Born To Learn...Free To Learn

This American Life

2012-01-20T08:13:00.000-06:00

Whenever I am in the car alone, I listen to podcasts. When I get home I am always excited to tell Alexander, 15, about what I learned from these podcasts because he tends to engage me in great conversations about the topics. I have been trying to get him to listen to This American Life from NPR, one of my favorite podcasts, as I knew he would love the topics too. He kept saying "Yeah, I am planning to." Finally I said, "Just listen to this one so we can talk about it."

The next morning I asked if he had a chance to listen to the podcast. He said, "Yes, and I listened to five others." Since then he has completed all the podcasts from 2011 that interested him and loves telling me about each one. In fact, I discovered that there were a few that I missed and went back and listened to.

I love having conversations with Alexander. He is a thinker and his thoughts often challenge me to think in new ways. I love that as he gets older we can share in things that interest the both of us. I love having teenagers!!!!

The Challenge

2012-01-16T09:15:00.000-06:00

Last night my husband and I had dinner with another homeschooling (not unschooling) couple. I shared that Sophia will be going to high school next year. I explained in her words that public school is an experience she has never experienced and since it is there, why not? The father said, "I just worry that she won't be challenged enough in her classes." This made me think. Sophia isn't going to school to be challenged academically, she will challenge herself as needed with that as she always has. For her the challenge is in the experiences themselves that she will have as a public school student. She is getting excited for this challenge and I have no doubt will do quite well with it.

The Benefits of Video Games

2012-01-08T09:17:00.000-06:00

Peter Gray of Psychology Today has a new post about video games out. I absolutely love it! For years I have felt like a loner, even within my unschooling group, in my belief that when I allow my son to make choices in the games he plays and the amount of time he spends playing those games, there is a reason. My favorite statement from this post is, "I have a very high opinion of children's abilities to make good choices about how to use their free time, as long as they really have choices."

Alexander has never had a time limit on the amount of time he plays video games and at 15 years old, he is a good kid. Over the years I have seen amazing characteristics in this kid who loves setting goals for himself. The goals may be in how far he will get in a video game or that he will write in his journal every day. He sets goals for himself as he sees they are appropriate in his life and devotes the time needed to accomplish the goal. I have seen a kid that wakes up every single morning excited to tell me about conversations he had while playing XBOX LIVE, strategies he used in completing his goal in a game, and evaluations of the games he plays. He is also a kid that will wake up and ask if I can sit with him while he shows me pictures of WWI, explains to me how WWI started, the history of countries taking over other countries,and wants to know how I learned geography in school. He is amazed to find out that even though I had geography in school in wasn't taught in relation to anything except being a subject in school. He is also amazed that I have learned more about geography through his teachings than I ever did in school. I find that I am learning so much from him not only from the books that he reads but from the video games he plays. We often find ourselves searching online to answer questions he has about the games he plays.

It seems that there is a constant fear in parents that video games are going to make their kids violent, lazy, or some other awful things. Here are some "side effects" I have seen of my son setting his own time limits on video games:

A desire to learn the metric system so he knew how far he was shooting in a game.
A need to learn about the Cold War, the Missile Crisis, and other historical events that are presented in his games.
Planning out strategies that often involve him drawing out pictures of what he plans to do when he returns to his game.
Learning to use a jigsaw so he could create guns out of wood that were similar to the ones used in his games. This takes a lot of problem solving.
The gift of giving as he made many guns for his friends and family also.
Working with his dad to make his own metal knife that attached to his hand as in the game Assassin's Creed.
A strong relationship with his dad as they have had a tradition for years now of waking up early every Sunday morning and playing video games. I loved it the other night when Alexander was playing one of the Halo games and my husband said, "Oh, we haven't played that in a long time." It brought back memories for both of them.
The ability to set his own time schedule. I think parents often think that if they let their children choose how often and how long they use electronics, they will never stop. Alexander is known in the neighborhood as a very responsible teenager with multiple dog sitting jobs, babysitting jobs, and a newsletter job. His personality is one where if he agrees to a job, he is going to do that job 100%. So, he has always been a good manager of his own time. He sets his timer and knows when he needs to stop playing games so that he can attend to the responsibilities that he has set for himself.
A kid that has had the opportunity to work out conflicts online with friends and also had the opportunity to say "no" to the conflict by not playing with those creating the conflict.
Friendships that have had great memories of playing together. A group of friends recently played a game they hadn't played together in a while and they instantly all had memories of how each person played the game.

There are many more "side effects" that have come from allowing my son to be who he is and not ask him to engage in activities that I find appropriate for him. He woke up the other morning and said he had stayed up late reading about war strategies. I said, "Honestly, that is something I can never imagine myself reading, but when you summarize it for me, it is quite exciting." It is the same with video games. I can't imagine myself playing them, but he is not me.

Sometimes I wish I would have journaled everything I saw my son learning from playing video games, I know I could have made a great book out of it. But, I think I learned early on that what I was seeing was only a snippet of what was really going on. My son chose/chooses to play numerous hours of video games because they satisfy his personality for learning and I could never capture what is truly being learned and experienced. In my opinion, when we trust our kids to learn in the way that best fits who they are as individuals rather than who we are as individuals, it is one of the best gifts we can give them.

Math for an Unschooler

2011-12-24T06:38:00.000-06:00

Alexander has always been interested in numbers and how they work. For a short time he wanted to do formal math, but after exploring it and realizing he can do it, he is back to just enjoying numbers as they are authentically used in life.

Sophia quickly caught onto counting money as she has been purchasing many of her own clothes and other goodies since she was seven years old and got her first dog sitting job. However, she openly admitted to not being interested in math as a subject to study. However, that has changed now that she is going to high school next year. On her own she made a list of goals she wants to accomplish before heading to high school in August. Math is on the list of goals. She wants to be up to speed with her peers when she makes her first appearance in a school environment.

We are starting with the very basics and moving forward. The thing I love about waiting to teach kids when they are ready is they catch onto the concepts so quickly. You don't have to spend years on subtraction (I remember teaching 5th grade and each year the curriculum reviewed everything the students had learned the previous year, although for some students it was like seeing it for the first time.) She asks for work to do on her own. I provide the answer sheets so she can check her work immediately and if she sees a mistake, she figures out why it was wrong.

I love unschooling. To me it is almost magical. When you let kids learn what they want when they are ready, amazing things happen. I have no doubt that Sophia will be just fine when school starts in August.

*The other thing I love is that although she has never been to school or had any formal instruction, the only subject she feels would challenge her is math. I completely agree.

Excited for High School

2011-12-06T06:42:00.000-06:00

Sophia is definitely planning on going to high school next year and I can't believe how excited I am getting for her. Going to school for the sheer purpose of experiencing something you have never experienced is so unique and I find myself getting caught up in her excitement.

Having spent her life playing and doing as she pleases, she feels pretty confident going to high school in all areas except math. We are spending some time going over basic math right now and it is amazing how quickly an older student picks up concepts. I can teach her something simple and move on. She is motivated to learn and encourages me to provide more work for her than I am giving.

I am really proud of her. She has always been a person that needs to experience life. What I love about her and truly admire is that she not only makes those experiences happen for herself, but she does so with such confidence. What I also love is she truly doesn't realize what a special gift she has within herself.

Friends and family often ask if I am nervous about her going to school. I am really not. She has the luxury of knowing that this adventure is her own. She can do with it as she pleases and we will support her. She may find that school was an experience that she needed in your life for a short period and then return home or she may find that school is exactly what is missing in her life. Either way, it will be an adventure - something that this awesome girl loves to get plenty of in her life!

Play

2011-11-15T06:49:00.000-06:00

One of the great things about having your kids home with you all day everyday is there is a plenty of time to PLAY with them. When my kids were younger, my husband and I often found ourselves alone with all the kids at the park as parents sat on the sidelines on benches or in cars. When my husband arrived home from a day of work he was greeted by my son with "Get your rough pants on." That meant "get out of your work pants so we can wrestle." Even today with teenagers I will often race the kids to the car after grocery shopping or race them up a flight of stairs. We get to laughing so hard with these activities. Of course, it doesn't always have to be unstructured. The structured activities like bike riding together, taking long walks, or even signing up for a yoga class together can also fun.

Get out and have some fun with the kiddos. Not only is it great for your relationship, but you will feel so much better too. Play provides both fun and exercise! Check out this cool post on play by Sarah Fragoso of Everyday Paleo.

A Great Blog to Check Out

2011-11-13T08:42:00.000-06:00

I found a new blog that I really like - Teaching on Purpose. It isn't about unschooling necessarily, but written from the perspective of a teacher and mother. I love how she is moving towards a grade free environment for her students and encouraging her daughter to look beyond the grade to what she is actually accomplishing in her learning. Lots of good things for me to think about in my own teaching with adult learners and also as my daughter makes her way to high school next year.

Happy is the Goal

2011-10-28T09:36:00.000-05:00

Teachers Everywhere

2011-10-25T08:05:00.003-05:00

"Everything - even mountains, rivers, plants and trees - should be your teacher." Morihei Ueshiba

A Look Into Alexander's Mind

2011-10-21T07:58:00.002-05:00

Alexander is now writing a blog: A Look Into Alexander's Mind. So far it is a combination of reviews on games and movies and his thoughts on growing up. Check it out if you have time.

A Homeschooler Goes to College......Or Doesn't

2011-10-14T08:33:00.000-05:00

Many times this last year I have mentioned to Alexander that he "should" take a class at the community college. He is becoming very passionate about religion (not as in he is religious but in the controversies of religion), politics, and history. I love talking to him about these subjects but often wonder if he would feel more challenged in a classroom with other students that feel the same passion.

Earlier in the week, he and I attended  a lecture at the community college I teach at titled: The American Holocaust: Colombus to Chiapas with Bobby Gonzalez.  His attendance was of course voluntary and in fact he seemed excited.  He got up early and showered and we were off.

When we arrived, I was excited because everyone in attendance was young. I hoped this might excite him to know that other kids were excited about the same things that excite him. Unfortunately, I quickly realized I was living in a little dream world. Most of these students weren't attending because it was a passion for them. No, they were attending so they could sign in and get credit for attending or they were brought to the lecture by their instructor.

Alexander and I both thought the lecture was very interesting and I think even the students who attended out of obligation might have even enjoyed it. The overall theme was not to point fingers, but to always look at both sides of the story when examining history. Besides being informative for me, this lecture was a good reminder to me that we have followed an awesome path with our kids and their education. Our kids are learning things because they really want to learn. They are not looking for a grade, they are looking to fulfill their thirst for learning.

As I read the article A Homeschooler Goes to College , a very popular post being passed around Facebook this week by homeschoolers, I realized that I need to wait. I need to let Alexander be the guide on when and if he takes a class that interests him. He knows when he is ready and he also knows when he isn't. Perhaps right now he is working on establishing his very own beliefs before he is ready to take on the beliefs and ideas of others. I don't know. All I do know is that he is constantly thinking and working out ideas in his mind and seems quite content with where he is right now.

Reflections on Homeschooling

2011-09-29T08:29:00.000-05:00

I am an avid reader of Melissa McEwen's blog Hunt*Gather*Love. I love reading her thoughts on food and other topics. I was especially happy to read her recent post Reflections on Homeschooling. In this post she shares her own experience as a homeschooler. I especially liked this sentence, "I think the only thing that homeschooling left me at a disadvantage with is that I failed to learn to obey." I see the same thing with my own kids. They are very respectful, but they have learned to think for themselves and they don't appreciate having to conform to others thoughts and beliefs just because they are the norm. Once a person has had the opportunity to think for themselves, there is no going back. I love that my kids have this "disadvantage".

Open Minded

2011-09-23T05:12:00.000-05:00

Recently I have been talking a lot about unschooling with the international students I teach English to in the evenings. They have lots of questions and are honestly, quite interested in the whole concept. At first they have the regular questions, "So, do you use the same books as the schools?" "How do you make sure they know everything?" "Aren't you afraid they won't be ready for life?" You know the questions. What I love is the more I share, the more excited they get. All the sudden I see the light turn on and they get it.

One student shared that he was not a good student as a child. When he was 20 years old, his mom sent him back to school. He started with freshman classes. He said he was ready to learn at that point and within a year, he learned everything presented in all four years of high school. He said he went home and studied and came to class with lots of questions. He went on to college and then came to the US and received a degree here also. A mom with a two year old said this gave her a sense of relief. She said everyday she tries to teach her daughter something new but feels guilty some days when she feels she hasn't achieved her goal. My students have really good questions and I appreciate that they are open minded to learn about a concept that is unfamiliar to them.

Attachment Parenting: Letting Go

2011-09-17T05:45:00.001-05:00

My husband and I have always practiced attachment parenting. It is a concept that has always felt right to us. We co-slept with both of our kids until they were ready to move into their own bed in our room and then eventually into their own bedrooms. I tandem nursed both kids until they were ready to wean at ages that would surprise many. We have lived life together as a family watching TV together, grocery shopping together, playing together, and making decisions together. Through attachment parenting we learned to listen to our hearts and to the hearts of our children for direction in parenting rather than the "experts". Through following our hearts, we have learned to trust our children. We know them well and we feel a geniune trust in who they are and the decisions they make. Most importantly though, our children have learned to trust who they are and in the decisions they make.

As attachment parents we have had to put aside fears and anxiety as our children have transitioned to teens. Just as when they were infants/toddlers and had the need to nurse or the need to have me by their side as a seven year old playing with friends, we have had to listen to their needs as teens when they are ready to show some independence from mom and dad. By holding them too close, we are not allowing them to be who they want/need to be. We are not trusting them to trust themselves.

One of the biggest concerns I have with the homeschooling community is a need to control children. I see children who their entire lives have had their needs met when it came to sleeping in late, playing a little longer, choosing the outings for the day, and other decisions that affect the entire family. However, when these children become teens, parents hold on tight. They become fearful of stories they hear on the news or insecurities they hold themselves. Teens must check in every hour they are away from home. We must know every place they go. We want to know what they talk about. We make decisions for the teens without discussing these decisions with them. I have even heard of some parents who read their teens text messages and emails in fear they are being mislead by friends or strangers. How does this foster independence and a feeling of trust?

Where do things go wrong? Why are we not allowing our children to grow up making decisions for themselves?

I think one problem is that we have enjoyed being with our children for so many years that it is difficult to let them go. We have allowed them to make decisions, but only within the context of things we can still control. When they become teens and need to explore life alone, we don't know what to do without them. Perhaps we have become dependent on them. Hmmmm.....

Fear seems to be another biggie. We listen to news stories of terrible things that happen to people on trains, in malls, and even at the homes of friends and we become fearful of the same things happening to our children if they are out of our sight. What we don't think about are how many people this doesn't happen to. How many teens explore life with absolutely no problems at all and have amazing experiences?

My daughter will be taking off on Sunday for Not Back to School Camp. I asked her the other day if she is afraid to fly alone. She said, "No, why would I be?" I could have filled her with a million reasons why she should be afraid, but really, why? Her passion is to spend her adult life traveling. I asked her how she felt about spending the night with a good friend of my mom's that we have never met but who will be transporting her to camp. She said it is a little weird but fine. I admire her courage and ability to go after the things in life she wants. She doesn't hold herself back with fears of the unknown. She has strength and confidence in herself that she can handle whatever comes her way. I like that about my daughter.

Letting go is hard. As attachment parents we have had the luxury of time to know our children in very intimidate ways. We have had the pleasure of spending countless hours watching them grow and helping to meet their needs. However, a time comes when our children are ready to take all that we have shared with them and move on without us. Well, not really without us because we are always a part of them. All of those years we spent together have allowed them to become wise in their decisions. It has allowed them to be caring people that expect and demand good things for themselves. Letting go is hard but at the same time very exciting. I am filled with excitement for my daughter and the experiences she is going to have next week. As I told the camp counselor, "I wish I could be a fly on the wall and see all the fun she is having, yet I know this is her experience." She will share what she wants to share and will keep the rest to herself. Sounds pretty natural and healthy to me.

Is Unschooling For You?

2011-09-15T08:29:00.000-05:00

I enjoyed reading this post from Radio Free School's blog. Great things to think about regarding unschooling as the new "school year" starts off. Also, if you aren't ready to take the plunge into unschooling completely, there are ideas for incorporating unschooling into your life.

What's up with my kids lately?
Sophia:
Preparing for Not Back to School Camp. She leaves Sunday. EXCITING!!!!
Worked with other teens in group to create a new schedule for teens only - took first trip to city alone with teens.
Started taking belly dance classes in the city.
Babysitting.
Went camping/bike riding with mom, dad, and brother over the weekend.
A bunch of other things I find out about afterwards or sometimes not at all.
Alexander:
Received his usual great big hug last night when he arrived to babysit his six year old friend.
Worked with other teens from group to create a new schedule for teens only - took first trip to city alone with teens.
Reading a book about crimes in Chicago.
Writing a blog.
Worked side by side with his momma to reupholster a chair. (picture doesn't seem to want to load, see here for picture.)
Went camping/bike riding over the weekend with mom, dad, and sister.
Enjoying the new updated version of Minecraft.

Back To School

2011-09-07T09:38:00.000-05:00

A few blog posts worth reading as kids start back to school:

From Geekmom - Education Week: Reading Readiness Has To Do with the Body
I cannot stress the importance of trusting that your child will learn to read. Give it time and know that when you allow your little one to trust his/her own body, they will know the best time to read or take on any other new challenges in life. Waiting and seeing how they discover reading in their own time is truly a wonderful experience for them and the momma.

A Magical Childhood - What Should a 4 Year Old Know?
It breaks my heart listening to parents (even homeschooling parents) discuss their children based on levels and capabilities. Give them love. Spend time with them digging up weeds, playing Legos, playing tag, etc. Give them time, trust, and love and the rest just falls into place.

Listening to Internal Voice

2011-08-26T10:54:00.000-05:00

Last night Alexander had a babysitting job. As soon as he arrived the new first grader told Alexander he had 400 million points on Lego Starwars. Alexander thought, "Okay, he is talking numbers in kid talk." However, when they checked it out, this little guy was reading his numbers right. He showed Alexander how he was accumulating so many points. This was new information for Alexander. He had played this game when he was younger, and actually passed his game along to this little guy for his birthday. I loved that first, this little guy is learning his numbers from technology, second that Alexander at 15 was able to learn something new from his younger gamer friend and third that this little guy wanted to get to a new level and didn't know how on his own. However, he knew Alexander would know and checked it out with his mom beforehand to make sure they could play longer than his alloted game time.

When Sophia and I visited the Waldorf school the other day, the admissions adviser shared that computers are not used much in the school before high school. I remember my immediate response being, "Oh, how sad." She explained that they focus on the brain/hand coordination through knitting and other arts. While I believe this is important, I find it interesting that my two kids who have always been heavily into technology (Alexander with video games and Sophia with computer), both crave hands on projects. Neither one of them has ever had time limits on when and how often they could use technology (minus a few short months when I was waking up at 2am due to the noise of Skype.) Yet both kids seem to know their own limits. When either one of them has used technology past what feels comfortable to them, they stop and find a different creative outlet. When Alexander was younger it was Legos and Geomags. He was always building something new. As he got older it was running, archery, wood carving, and wood working. One day he will decide he needs to get outside and will shoot for a while or plan a new project. For Sophia, leaving her own world and entering the world of Playmobil was always her outlet as well as pulling up grass and other objects in our backyard and replanting them. As she got older, she painted and learned to crotchet and sew. Last night she set up an Etsy shop and plans to begin making and selling some of her own stuff.

Kids really do know their own limits. They know what they want and how they need to get it. When we allow them to take charge of their needs and give them help as needed, they are truly amazing. I think it is when we decide what their limits and needs are that they lose track of who they are and can no longer listen to their internal voice.

Searching for the Next Path of Our Educational Journey

2011-08-23T08:23:00.001-05:00

Yesterday Sophia and I visited a Waldorf school in the city. Wow! It is a dream school. My first impression was good as we walked through the door and immediately Sophia was addressed as the person who had the appointment rather than me. Since Sophia is the one who researched and discovered the school and made the appointment as well as all email correspondence, I was so happy that she was respected as the person driving this interview.

Right off I also felt a sense of community and peace with this school. I have been somewhat familiar with Waldorf philosophy, but sitting there with the admissions adviser, I felt a sense of love and care would be given to my daughter if she attended.

The adviser talked a little about the school but also wanted to know about Sophia and her background. It truly makes me giddy to hear Sophia talk about her background. She knows herself so well. At first she struggled a bit in regards to explaining how she spends her days, but then shared how she isn't someone that likes to repeat activities. She likes to experience a lot of different things and then move on to the next experience. This is exactly as I have always seen her too!

During the high school years the school offers a more stringent curriculum which Sophia is actually looking forward to, while also providing lots of fine arts and travel which is an environment Sophia would no doubt thrive in.

However, there are disadvantages. This dream school comes with a hefty price tag. Even if we qualified for the largest amount of financial aid, it is still out of our league. Also, the commute would be awful. Sophia would have to take two different trains to get there with a commute of almost two hours each way. Plus, Sophia seems to want a potentially larger group of people to interact with.

Yesterday was only one day of the journey towards finding what Sophia wants and needs to fulfill her life learning journey. It gave us an idea of what choices are out there and also provided us with a lot of ideas we hadn't thought of before that we can start working on this year as she continues to live life at home. Overall, a great experience, but the search continues.

Bending Too Far From Who I am - Unschooling Community Woes

2011-08-20T11:50:00.000-05:00

When my oldest was five years old, I discovered the philosophy of unschooling through the internet. I can still feel the same excitement flow through my body that was felt when I started reading about this concept. It was perfect. It met every expectation I wanted for my kids. I wanted to continue practicing attachment parenting and this philosophy of education allowed us to do that. I loved how my kids played, explored, and created and wanted that world to continue for them, and it did. After seeing too many kids’s self esteem suffer as a public school teacher because they were being asked to perform duties they were not yet ready to perform, I wanted my kids to have the freedom to learn when and in a way that fit them best, and they did. I looked forward to finding a group of moms that shared my same passion for this type of natural learning and for a short time, I did. However, things changed as my kids got older. Fewer people in my group had a passion for unschooling. Instead of allowing freedom, many in my support system turned to fears of their kids not performing at the same level as their school friends, moms had an agenda for their kids rather than following the agenda of the kids, fears that teens would make the wrong choices or be a bad reflection on us, fears that kids were not motivated enough, etc.

For years now I have felt like an outsider within my unschooling group. The days of sharing the incredible things my son has learned from video games is over as it has created too much conflict among moms. After hearing more than once, "My son/daughter is eight years old and not reading. I have got to do something," I don’t share the amazing story of my son not becoming a reader until 12/13 years old (even though he loved me reading books, owner manuals, etc to him and remembered every word) and then moving straight to high school/college reading material. The few people I have shared this story with give me this strange blank look and are stumped as how to reply. I no longer share how my daughter taught herself to read at seven because she wanted to read like Laura Ingalls Wilder, but then never picked up a book to read by herself again until she was nine years old, even though she loved me reading to her. I feel like an outsider who has spent a lot of years passionate about a philosophy of learning that trusts in children to make the choices that are right for them only to find that I am pretty much alone in my philosophy. Well, that isn't completely true. Moms with young kids love to talk unschooling. They love the idea of allowing their kids to learn in freedom - that is until they are eight years old and not following the mold of society. I have seen it over and over again. I am actually reluctant to even talk about unschooling with moms anymore because it often seems like a stage they are going through and it isn’t worth my time anymore.

I was asked the other day if we have followed an unschooling philosophy since my kids were young. Yes, we have. The next question which I get often was “how do you unschool a teen?” You unschool a teen just like you do an infant, a toddler, or a child - you listen to their needs and you help them meet those needs. My kids ask for help when needed and I do my best to meet their needs, but most of the time they are out reserving books at the library, reading stuff on the internet, watching YOUTUBE videos, talking to people, etc. They are not learning any differently than before except that now their learning doesn't always happen through play but more through interactions with people and the internet. They learn like I do. They have an interest and they pursue it. I don’t mind answering these type of questions because I realize that for many unschooling is unknown territory, but I guess in an unschooling community, it still surprises me that I get these questions.

What I have found in an unschooling community is that there is a very small number of parents that really believe in or understand the concept of allowing their children to be the driver in both their education and their lives. Most parents that join an unschooling community are more on the eclectic side of education. They believe strongly that their child must be taught the basics in life, but like the idea of giving them a little freedom.    That isn’t me. I have never believed that I needed to provide a basic education for my children because when I stay out of their way or help with their requests, these basic things are easily met without any manipulating, fighting or controlling on my part. When you trust your child to drive their own education, you don’t dismiss their need to be on the computer or video games for long periods of time as wasteful or as a luxury for when everything “important” is complete. They are driven to these forms of technology for a reason. You talk to your children and find out what is driving them to want to play hours upon hours of a video game. I am truly impressed with my son when he shares this information with me. He has goals when he starts and he has a plan of action. As my husband explains, “he plans out his video games exactly like a project leader at work plans out a project. He has a goal, he has expectations and in the end, he evaluates his choices.” He was never taught this, but developed these wonderful skills by being allowed to follow his own educational choices.

Over the years, I have enjoyed what unschooling provides for us at home, but have been discouraged with how it has evolved within the unschooling community. Here are a few things I see that get in the way of allowing unschooled kids to live life freely together:

Unschooling philosophy is very different depending on who you talk to. Over my ten years in unschooling communities, I have learned that each family views unschooling just a little bit differently.
Parenting Styles. We each have our own goals and experiences when it comes to parenting and often those differences among the parents hold back the freedoms allowed to the kids.
Some parent/kids are not explorers. It is true. Some parents and kids are very content living in their little world and not moving outside of it. Although I am a huge homebody, I do crave adventure and want it for my kids too.   However, we are all not the same. Being an unschooler doesn’t guarantee that you are an adventurer.
Income. Due to the cost of activities, it often prevents many of us from doing all that we would like to do.
Distance. This has been one of the biggest challenges for us in regards to friendships. Friends come from all directions and getting together frequently is difficult due to the time and distance.
Life Issues. As my kids have gotten older, more and more of us have had life issues that lead us away from allowing freedom for our children as we need to concentrate on the issues occurring now.
Embracing freedom in schedule to point of being rude. I am going to elaborate on this one a little more because this has been by far the biggest struggle for me in regards to my unschooling community. I grew up in a family with six kids. We were late everywhere we went. I can remember being maybe seven or eight and we were once again late for church. As we all clomped our way down to the front pew I remember thinking, “This is really rude. People are already praying and in a special state of consciousness and we are interrupting them.” I made a conscious choice then and there that when time was up to me, I would not be rude to others. Since day one of our unschooling adventures with others, this respect has not been given back to us. We have had numerous birthday parties, sleepovers, and get togethers with a specific time for attendance. I can’t count the number of times my kids have waited at the window excited to get started on the party and waited half an hour to over an hour before friends showed up. There were not calls/texts or anything else to let us know they would be late. Sometimes people don’t even show up at all even though the day before they said they would. We have gone to other people’s homes at the time they gave us to show up and they are out shopping or doing other errands. After ten years of this, I am worn out. I love the idea of being in charge of your own schedule, but at a certain point it just becomes rude to those who want to be with you. My kids have a joke that it doesn’t matter what time we schedule an event (we have now moved everything from a start time of 11:00 to a start time of 1:00 because nobody would show up before then), some families will still regularly be 30-60 minutes late. We have sat at parks waiting for friends that show up an hour before park day is supposed to end. It wastes my time to sit there waiting and disappoints my kids who wake up early on unschooling group days because they want as much time as possible with their friends. Every week is a gamble on when (sometimes people do show up earlier and you don’t want to miss out on that time together) and if people will show up. For my family, we like to know if people are coming and approximately what time. Maybe we are a little too structured, I don’t know. When families show up super late and act like it is no big deal, it makes me feel like they don’t value my time or friendship.

What could be done differently? Overall, I don't know.   The most important parts of unschooling have still happened for my family despite the frustrations we have felt. My husband and I have listened to our kids needs over the years. I was there by their sides when they needed me to sit with them as they played with a friend and now I am listening when they need some distance from me to make their own choices - good and bad! My frustration comes in having several years of feeling like I was bending too much from who I am to meet the needs of others (later and later time for groups to start and shorter and shorter time to hang out, asking my kids to play differently so they aren't a disruption, folks not signing up for events until the very last minute and then not showing up and being stuck paying their share, and playdates cancelled for no apparent reason). I know that I can’t change the friends we have so I don’t know what the answer would be for those issues except just trying to accept the differences and set guidelines for how far outside of my comfort zone I can go. In retrospect, I would also not get wrapped up in other parent’s fears and frustrations. Over the years I have allowed myself to internally feel the frustrations and fears other moms have about their kids and unschooling when they weren’t my fears and frustrations. I have acted on their belief system at times rather than my own and felt uncomfortable. Luckily my kids understand this about me and realize that I do this and also come out of it.

What now? Move ahead. At one time the group of people we hung out with (unschoolers or not) was sufficient. But like a good marriage, partners need others in their life to stimulate them. That's where we are right now, ready for new stimulation that fits our needs better but still wanting to hold onto the friends we have while feeling frustrated because we don't know yet where that new stimulation will come from. But, just as I believe a kid being bored is good, I also know frustration is good. Frustration will lead to new opportunities. As we have done throughout our unschooling journey, we will listen to our hearts and see what new paths are ahead for us. I am looking forward to the new opportunities out there for my family. I look forward to my kids searching and finding what nourishes them while I am also doing the same thing. Unschooling will continue in our house, despite the frustrations.

An Unschooler in Drivers Education

2011-08-20T11:09:00.000-05:00

Drivers education has been an experience. The first few days were great and Alexander seemed to be learning a lot. He gained all the information needed to take the exam for his permit and passed without any problems.

Since this was his first school like experience of sitting in a desk and performing duties set by the teacher, I was curious to see how he would do. He did fine but I don't think he was that impressed. Each day they read "round robin" from a book that had to be left at school (As an instructor, I find "round robin" reading to be very ineffective for learning.) and filled in the remainder of the time with worksheets. Since he really wanted to know the information, we tracked down the book used in class at a nearby library and he studied on his own time.

As he completed his last day yesterday, I sensed an uneasiness about him and asked what was bothering him. His explanation was slow in coming but what I gathered from his sharing is that he completed the class and left feeling like he had wasted the last two hours of every morning for four weeks. Most days were filled in with word searches and the such in order to comply with the 30 hours of classroom instruction required by the state. One day was a complete waste of his time and mine (I ran errands or sat at Starbucks for two hours everyday while he was in class.) and I am not even going to share what they did because it was that off topic. His overall reaction was that he didn't blame the teachers for the waste of time but instead the mandate that he spend 30 hours in class even when all the material had been covered. What I think bothered him the most was that the tests were graded in class by peers or themselves and as they left the last class the instructor asked "So, did everyone pass?" Alexander felt incomplete, I think. He didn't feel like it really mattered how he did on the tests or what he gained from the class as long as we paid our money and he spent his required hours in class. Does that feeling come from having always felt fulfilled by the learning endeavors he has taken on or do kids feel that way every day in school situations?

For me, I found the situation very frustrating. First of all, as a 15 or 16 year old he was required to pay for and take a 30 hour class, plus six driving sessions to obtain his driving permit. If he was 17 and 3 months old, he could go in and get his permit without any of that. Since the cost of the class doesn't come easily for us, I was frustrated by the lack of innovative teaching. I mean really, "round robin" reading, out of date videos, and worksheets. For the kind of money we paid, I expected more. He could have easily spent four hours of his own time learning all the information he had to sit through for 30 hours. I am frustrated that the very thing I tried to keep my kids away from (wasteful learning) was required in order for him to obtain his permit but as we discussed yesterday, that is an unfortunate part of life.

What did he really achieve by sitting in class that long? He did learn some interesting statistics, especially about cell phone usage while driving which has put a stop to my cell phone usage in the car, but honestly, he could have got that information from watching Oprah. As I have taken him out driving, most of his questions come from being behind the wheel, just as mine did when my dad started teaching me to drive at 13. I learned by doing. He now watches me drive with more care and asks questions as I drive too. And just like my dad, we are moving into driving slowly so that he is comfortable and has plenty of time to ask the questions that matter. In the meantime, he has six driving sessions he has to do with his driving school to complete his requirements to get a drivers license at 16. We were informed that it is a good idea to make sure we schedule it at the same time as someone that lives near us otherwise our time will be cut short. Since Alexander doesn't know anyone else taking the class and we are 25 minutes away from the driving school, I imagine that his driving sessions will also be a waste of time only to complete the remaining requirements.

Life Learning Continues

2011-08-17T08:53:00.000-05:00

As I walked my border collie Izzy this morning, my quiet relaxing walk was interrupted by the noises of school buses and dodging excited parents dropping off kids for the first day of school. Although these interruptions were a nuisance, it made me happy knowing that my two teens are still at home nestled in bed for another year of life learning.

This may be our last year with both kids at home. My daughter is considering going to high school next year. At first I was sad and disappointed, but the more I listen to her and her needs, the more excited I get for her. She is making her own choices about her education. She is contacting people at different schools and getting her own information. This will be her decision. She told me, "I have never exeperienced school and it is something out there to be experienced, so why not?" I love this attitdue. Also, I know that our unschooling community is no longer nourishing her or me and it is strange to say this, but public school almost seems more liberating to us right now. (More on this topic in another post.)

Ideas of high school are a year away, so right now, we will continue to enjoy the marvelous gifts that life continues to give us, keep searching for adventures that nourish us and be happy that we have been given the gift of unschooling. As I told my daughter yesterday, she will still be an unschooler even if she goes to high school because she is choosing this path for her education and she knows she can change it again at any point.

Unschooling Momma

2011-08-10T10:15:00.000-05:00

I think I could go on and on all day about the benefits of unschooling for my family, but the number one benefit for me personally is that as my children have been unschooling, I have learned to deschool myself. I have learned to listen to what makes me tick as an individual learner. I have learned to spend my time doing the things that I am passionate about and then most importantly, letting them go when they no longer serve me.

Along with my three sisters, I have been reading a variety of Holocaust survivor books. I have learned that when I start a book I need to set aside enough time to finish it because I won't want to put it down and do other responsibilities. I have learned that I can't read these books right before bed without having dreams throughout the night of hiding Jewish families. I have also learned from these books and other adventures over our unschooling years that I am not a detail person. I often skip over specific names and information that I find boring. I know if I was tested on these books I would most likely fail. However, I love reading them and take a lot from these readings. In fact, I am going to visit the Holocaust Museum in Skokie soon. I hope my kids will want to join me, but if not, I am fine with doing this journey alone. Isn't this what an unschooler does? They find a passion and go after every avenue available to them. I like being an unschooling momma.

Required Drivers Education as an Unschooler

2011-08-08T19:26:00.000-05:00

Alexander is in his second week of drivers education. As someone who has never been to school, he figured out in about four days that the required 30 hours of classroom instruction for kids 15 and 16 years old in Illinois is a total a waste of time. The first three days of class the students studied the information needed to pass the written part of the test for their drivers permit. He enjoyed these first few days. On the fourth day he had successfully completed his written exam and had his permit. The remainder of the 30 required classroom hours looks like it will be used for out of date videos, crossword puzzles (something he has never done by choice and finds a waste of time), and other minor information. As a child that has never been to school, he wonders why they can't check out the driving books they are using in class, read the information at home (rather than round-robin reading in class) and come to class for a lot less time with questions from the readings and then actually start getting into the car and driving. He figures he will learn more from actually getting into a car and driving than he will from completing crossword puzzles. I agree. (Six driving sessions are required after class is complete)

Hearing his frustration makes me so glad that he wasn't subjected to this waste of time his whole educational life. What's even worse is that if he was 17 and three months old, he could just go in and get his drivers permit without wasting our $395 and our 30 hours of time. (I end up sitting at Starbucks for two hours four days a week rather than driving the 25 minutes back home.) This week he said, "I can understand how kids in school lose interest in learning." He has only been doing this for two weeks at only two hours per day. Can you imagine what this must do to someone that is subjected to this waste of time day after day?

Unschooling and Electronics

2011-08-08T18:58:00.000-05:00

I just read a great post on unschooling and electronics at An Unschooling Life. I loved this question, " If you trust children to learn then why would you limit their access to the world?" I have always wondered how people can say they are unschooling, which to me means you trust your child to make educational choices that best suit whohe/she is as individuals, (not to suit who we are as individuals) yet limit his/her electronic time. It doesn't make sense. In fact, to me it would be similar to my husband coming home from work and telling me that I have been on the computer all day and didn't do the things he felt I should be doing as a wife and mother and therefore he was limiting my computer time to one hour a day during the week days and two hours on the weekends as long as I had all my housework finished first. By limiting my electronic time, I would have the freedom to explore other things like cleaning and cooking during the day. (I actually do like to do these things but I wouldn't if someone was telling me I needed to do them instead of the things I wanted to do that day.)

Of course my marriage doesn't work that way and I don't want my relationship with my kids to work that way either. We respect that we each need time to do the things we need/want to do. Somedays I am on the computer all day paying bills, chatting with family and friends on Facebook, blogging, learning about new people and their life experiences, etc. I love to do this. Other days, I feel like I can't look at the computer another second and I get out of the house or get motivated to clean it. My kids do the same thing. Both of them love all that electronics provide for them, but like most people, they have other interests besides electronics. Maybe that is because they have never had to worry about their electronic time being limited .

Happy Where He Is

2011-07-27T15:17:00.000-05:00

Alexander started drivers education today. When I picked him up he said something like, "It was weird being around all the high school kids. It made me glad I don't go to school." He was a little turned off by their lack of respect for the book Fahrenheit 451. Several of the kids who read it as required reading said it was "lame". He just finished the book and really enjoyed it. I think this is the difference. He read it because he enjoys that type of story AND he wasn't forced to read it. Also, he had the chance to read and then reflect on what he read. I often think kids in school and even many homeschoolers are more concerned with the quantity of books read more than what kids get from the book.

Anyhow, you always wonder when you homeschool if your kids will later regret the choices you made for them. It was nice to hear that Alexander is happy with where he is in life.

Acting on The Interests of Kids As They Happen

2011-07-16T08:35:00.001-05:00

The hardest part about unschooling in my opinion is acting on the interests of your kids as they happen. So when Alexander and Sophia asked if we could visit the radio station of Q101.1 on their last day, we went for it.

Zandy reading on the train.

We took the train from the suburbs of Chicago to downtown, walked a mile or so, and found the studio in the Merchandise Mart. The kids peeked in through the windows and saw Electra, the midday host we generally listen to together in the car, hosting. She gave us a great big smile and wave.

For the next hour we waited, knowing she ended her shift at 3:00. We had no idea if she would come out and meet the teens waiting for her, but she did. What a lovely person. She gave each of the girls a big hug, shook hands with the boys, and thanked all of them for supporting her. My kids were thrilled. Meeting the person behind the voice whether a radio host like Electra or an author of a book is something both of my kids love to do.

Sophia, midday host Electra, and Zandy

Everyday Unschooling Stories

2011-06-29T09:07:00.001-05:00

I love hearing everyday unschooling stories about what the kids are doing. For one reason or another the moms who used to love sharing those stories aren't around anymore or don't share too often. I miss that.

This week Sophia found a Youtube video on how to transform an old t-shirt into a totally new shirt. She took one of Alexander's t-shirts that was too small for him and created an updated teen look for herself. She is also busy reading a few different books. She is on vacation from dog sitting this week which means she gets to sleep in a little later. She spends time online with friends through Facebook and Skype and also in person through homeschool groups or separate outings. She bought a ukulele and is learning to play that as well as continuing to take guitar lessons with her dad. Best thing for me that she does everyday is gives me lots of hugs.

Alexander is developing lots of cool things on the computer game MineCraft. He is also on Facebook with his girlfriend a lot. She lives in Indiana so they don't see each other as often as they would like. He has also been taking a book to the park and reading. He continues to do woodworking in the garage. He is making "gears" to hold up a shelf in his room. He and I are painting his room in July so he is getting things ready for that change. He has a babysitting job tonight and starts a cat sitting job on Friday. Best thing he does for me is every morning he wakes up and starts talking to me right away.

What are your kids doing?

Rules of Writing Not Taught, But Still Learned

2011-06-24T08:47:00.001-05:00

I find it very interesting how my newly turned 13 year old daughter will stand over my shoulder when I am typing emails or instant messaging with my husband and correct my spelling and punctuation. She has never had one lesson on spelling or punctuation in her life but is an excellent speller and knows exactly where and when to use punctuation. Unschooling really does work. Trust your kids to learn and amazing things do happen.

What Grade Are You In?

2011-06-21T08:25:00.000-05:00

Since my kids have never been to school, they remember their past experiences not by grade levels in school as I often do, but instead by main interests they had at the time or friends that played an important role in their lives at the time. In fact, they have never had a concept of grade levels and when people ask them "what grade they are in?" they always answer, "I homeschool."  Almost always people then ask their age and try to put a grade level with the age. For example, this is what happened at the eye doctor yesterday.

The Eye Examiner:  What grade are you in?
Alexander: I homeschool.
The Eye Examiner: You're a sophomore? (People never understand my kids when they say they homeschool. Generally they look at me for the answer, as if my kids aren't capable of speaking themselves.
Alexander: I homeschool.
The Eye Examiner:  Oh, you homeschool. You're 15, so you must be sophomore/junior age, right?
Alexander: Sure.
I know Alexander doesn't really know if he is or not because we have never had grade levels assigned to who they are, they have always been at "Alexander's level" or "Sophia's level". Even as an elementary school teacher I never liked grade levels and I tend to want to roll my eyes when unschooling children tell me they are working at a 6th grade math level. It is just a pet peeve of mine, it drives me crazy. It isn't that I am trying to hide grade levels from my kids, I just think they are insignificant and when it actually applies to their life, like in college, they will figure it out in about two seconds. Before that time, it just seems like another way to categorize people that isn't really necessary.

Anyhow, back to the story before I go off on a venting session about my views on grade levels, especially for unschoolers. The thing that I find interesting about these conversations that my kids have with adults is that when we have been to school, our memories tend to revolve around the grade level we were in at the time: who was our teacher? who were our friends? what were we studying? With kids that have never experienced anything except learning through living life, they tend to remember their past based on their experiences at the time. I find that fascinating.

Okay, one more pet peeve to share. My son's name is Alexander. He has always been called Alexander, rather than Alex, as many adults outside of the homeschooling community want to call him. Our first experience with this was when he was three years old and the dentist kept calling him Alex. When Alexander got home he said, "Mom, who is Alex?"  Alexander and I often let adults know that his name is Alexander but they continue to want to call him Alex. We have NEVER experienced that with his homeschooling friends. He tells them his name is Alexander when they first meet and that is what they call him. It isn't that big of a deal, except that Alex doesn't seem to fit Alexander and when we hear it, it sounds like people are talking to someone else. I always wonder what makes people decide to call someone a different name than they one they have given.

Grammar: Following Our Individual Personalities

2011-06-15T09:06:00.000-05:00

I have never had a passion for grammar. In fact, I find it extremely boring. I felt the same way when I was in school and remember dreading the times we would study grammar exclusively. As a 5th grade teacher I never taught grammar on its own, but instead took problem areas my students were facing in their writing and focused on those issues instead in mini lessons. I now teach English to adult students from all over the world who are learning English. For the past ten years when I have taught grammar to adults, it has only been a portion of what I teach, so I haven't minded because I love teaching conversation, writing, and listening. However, in October I added a teaching position to my resume at a new school. At this school I am exclusively the grammar teacher. My students come to me for grammar and go to another teacher for projects like conversation, writing, etc.

The first few months I felt very frustrated because the students at this school are also at a higher English level than the students at my first school which meant I needed to know more grammar rules than I previously knew. I didn't feel like I was doing a good job teaching and felt awkward. Then it hit me. It isn't about me knowing everything about grammar because I will never be one to remember the rules. It doesn't fit my personality at all. Some people love rules, not me. What I decided to do was treat my new students similar to how I treat my own kids. If you want to learn this, than do it! I will help guide you, but really, it is up to you. I started putting students in groups and they had to figure out the grammar lesson for the day and then report back to the class on their findings. They loved it! They asked questions here and there but overall they were perfectly fine working in groups and figuring out what they needed to learn. In fact, I think they may learn it better when working together and they have fun at the same time. Who wants to sit and listen to me talk at the board all evening? Yuck!

My recent experience as a teacher has reminded me of a couple of good things I have learned through unschooling my own kids. First, if we really want to learn something, we will. Second, I finally understand my learning style and although some people thrive on knowing all the rules to grammar, I will never be that person. Why keep trying to be something I am not? Third, I can only be the type of person I am and when I follow who I am rather than try to fit the mold of what others do (generally grammar is more lecture than experimentation and I have never been that type of teacher) things turn out exactly the way they should.

I find that although I still don't love grammar, I have found a comfortable place for myself. At midterm the student evaluations of me were really high which tells me they like the way I am doing things. Finding my comfort zone makes going to work that much easier and that much more enjoyable.

When people ask me about unschooling, I often say we follow a child led education learning from life. In this situation, that is exactly what I did. Unschooling doesn't just exist within the confines of our home or just for my children. We are all constantly learning and constantly trying to figure out the best route for our unique personalities. I am glad I unschooled my way through this situation.

With Maturity New Interests Come

2011-06-12T08:39:00.001-05:00

Alexander turned 15 in May. As he has matured over the last few years, his interests have changed. Where he once spent hours upon hours playing video games and Legos, I don't see him sitting in front of the XBOX quite as often and he recently packed up all of his Lego's.

With maturity new interests come. There is the computer of course, with Facebook and YouTube, but I see him needing more. He likes having a book to read that makes him think and often takes it with him in case he gets bored. Sophia and I were giving him a hard time on Friday when he brought a book with him to the horse races. In between races he sat and read.  Besides books and YouTube videos that support the ideas he is searching for, he also needs to meet people that challenge his mind. He is beginning to branch out to new people and new situations without any hesitation.

I recently took him to a group we found on a meet up site.  The group is made up of all adults who came together at a restaurant to talk about politics, the economy, education, religion, and more. He loved it despite the fact that he was the only teen! Actually he felt more comfortable than me because these are the topics that interest him, not me.

I had to laugh the other day because I needed to attend a work meeting that was an hour drive away. In all I was gone about four hours. While I was gone, he did some research online. The minute I walked through the door he bombarded me with questions and information he had gathered. I had to stop him and tell him I was on overload. My brain was tired and honestly could not keep up with everything he was sharing. He has so many questions about the Constitution, governments around the world, decisions that have been made by our world leaders, science, etc, etc. It is amazing how his mind just never stops.

This week he has been outside doing some woodwork. We are painting his room in July and he is creating some new pieces for his room. He has also been cleaning out his room getting rid of things he has held onto for years. You can see the excitement in him as he rids himself of who he was and embraces his new, more mature self.

For me, it is really exciting and strangely as he gets older and needs more outside influence, I don't feel he needs me any less. He still needs me to be a springboard for his ideas even when he knows a ton more than I do on the topic. He still needs me to be his supporter in meeting people that reflect who he is right now, and he still needs me to guide him in how to find a variety of people and resources that will feed his needs to learn. I shared with another mom that other day that I have recently felt that I need to be home more for my kids. I teach 18-22 hours, but suddenly it seems like too much. It seems like I need to be home for the moments that my kids need me because now that they are teens, those moments of needing me are more sporadic. When and how both Alexander and Sophia need me varies with each day and being away from home doesn't allow us the spontaneity of when you are home all the time. My summer break from teaching will come at the end of June.  I am looking forward to it and the time I have watching my kids grow and mature!

Time With Kids Allows Them to Know Us

2011-05-29T09:10:00.000-05:00

What I love about having my kids home with me rather than sending them off to school each day is not only that I get to know them at a deeper level, but that they also get to know me at a deeper level. I am continuously amazed at how well both of my kids know me. They know my favorite foods, they know the types of books I like to read, they know many of the websites I frequent, they know the drinks I order from restaurants, and my daughter even knows the size of clothes I wear. But most importantly, they know the expressions I make on my face for my different moods. They know when I am upset, they know when I am sad, and they know when I feel silly. They know how I am going to react in different situations. They have carefully observed me all their years and know me inside and out. I can't hide who I am with them because they know things about me that I don't even have to share. Many times they even know things I don't know about myself!

Homemade Mother's Day

2011-05-21T15:23:00.000-05:00

Mother's Day at our home is still homemade and I LOVE it!

Alexander made a recipe holder for me and added some fancy wood burning.

Sophia painted on canvas for me. I love the tree and how it is blowing hard in the wind. Right away it reminded me of how the winds blow in Kansas, my hometown. It also reminds me of a feather.

I love gifts that come from the heart and both of these gifts are ones that will be treasured for a long time.

Thank you Alexander and Sophia!

Responsibility Is Not Always Seen By Others

2011-05-20T05:02:00.000-05:00

Part of the fun of being home with my kids and unschooling them has been watching how the two of them respond to life so differently. From the day Sophia was born, I knew that the two of them would handle life completely differently and they do. They both get along wonderfully, but the way they respond to people, situations, and their own learning is very different.

Earlier this week I was talking to a friend and she mentioned that Alexander is my "responsible one". This isn't the first time I have heard this from friends. Each time I hear it though, it digs into my heart because I realize how little these friends understand Sophia. She has a very special gift that I admire and strive to achieve myself.  Her gift is both her passion and her ability to be in the moment.  When she is in the moment, enjoying anything from a piece of bread (which is has very seldom) to being with her friends, she is there in that moment only and soaks up every minute of it. Does this mean she is not responsible? No way. I see her as a very responsible person. Let me share a little more about her:

Dog sitting: Sophia has loved dogs since she figured out they existed. Every dog that walked by our house had to be pet. Since we did not have a dog of our own at the time, she found a five days a week dog sitting job before she was eight years old and kept that job until the family moved four years later. It didn't take her long to secure another five days a week dog sitting job that she has held for the last year.

Purchases: Since the time Sophia started her dog sitting job, she has helped pay for a large number of her own clothes. She realized early that our funds for clothing was limited and had no problem helping out. By purchasing clothes with her own money, she has made connections in our community with local merchants who have given her discounts on occasion because they appreciate that she spends her own money. She has also found an independent online store that she buys from frequently because she enjoys their "personal" touch.  She has learned that her money can go to merchants that support a way of life that she believes in.

Babysitting: Last year Sophia decided she wanted to attend the Not Back To School Camp this year. We told her we were willing to pay for transportation if she paid for the camp. In order to make more money, she put an ad in our neighborhood newsletter and for the last year has been babysitting one to three times a week for a family with a toddler. Not only does she make sure she is on time every time, she is also very conscientious about doing a good job for this family. By February, she had saved her $700 for camp and paid for half of her new Taylor guitar.

Chores: When I go to work, the kids have chores to do. I never have to worry that they won't be done.

Education: Something else very special about Sophia is that she considers her role in her education to be very important. She does not hesitate to make things happen for herself.  She researches books that will help her learn more about her interests, she emails sources that will help her and asks questions, and if she needs to know something she will make sure she knows it. I knew she had emailed a few radio stations about doing some volunteer work (no luck yet), but found out today she has also emailed a broadcasting school about classes. When she found out they were not quite what she was looking for, she asked them for help in leading her in the direction she wants to go. They were very cooperative and gave her some other ideas which we looked at today. After looking at the options, she decided she will think on it.  That's another thing I like about Sophia. She thinks on the big things in life while she is very spontaneous about the everyday parts of life.

Responsibility for her actions: If Sophia does something that might get her into trouble, she takes responsibility for it. Sometimes it is hard to talk about, but she also realizes that she has a responsibility towards her own actions.

Family: My dad recently died. When we returned to my hometown for the funeral, I found Sophia by my side at all times. She was quiet when she needed to be and kept my thoughts busy with talk when it was appropriate and needed. She was a great source of support to me and made me the priority.

As you can see, I have a very special girl.  In a few weeks she will be 13 years old. As I look at all the things she is doing, I am amazed. She has big dreams for herself and I have no doubt she will make those dreams happen. She has a unique gift of being able to live in the moment and experience all that life has to offer. Does this mean she is not responsible? No way. She realizes that to make good things happen in her life, responsibility is a must and she doesn't shy away from it.

Naturally Curious, Always Wanting to Learn More

2011-05-13T21:27:00.000-05:00

Last night was the last night of the adult ESL (English as a Second Language) class I teach. The last night is an evening to review the exam and celebrate our accomplishments by sharing in a potluck. Last night as we were eating, one of my students shared several problem solving puzzles with his peers. I was amazed. Together and individually students went to the board or sat at their desks and worked on these number problems until they were solved. Then we played two different games of BINGO. The first was using verbs in the past and present and the second was on USA geography. Wow! My students kept saying, "One more time." They didn't want to stop.

I was sharing this with my son this morning as we took a walk together. He said, "People seem to really want to figure things out." It is true. We are naturally curious beings, always wanting to learn more.

What is Our Role In Education and in Our Own Health?

2011-05-04T08:12:00.000-05:00

I traded in my first rheumatologist for a new one last summer.  For the most part, I like her. I think one of the reasons I like her is that I went in with the intention that she was my drug supplier and nothing else. If she provided anything outside of that, I would be pleasantly surprised.

I had an appointment with her this week. As she went through the short list of supplements I take, she asked a few questions about one of them since she is unfamiliar with it. I explained that I am on a gluten free diet (I didn't go into more detail about my grain free diet except to mention the gluten free part as it related to the supplement.)   She went on to tell me that research doesn't show that diet makes a difference with rheumatoid arthritis. (I already went through this with my first rheumatologist.)

As I listened to her and politely told her I wasn't asking for her advice on diet, it dawned on me why I dislike most doctors. They base everything on research and their status as "experts" rather than inquiring about how the patient feels and what we think. They assume we have nothing to contribute. This reminds me so much of how schoools are run. The curriculum is based on "research" and the teacher being the "expert" rather than getting feedback from the unique group of students being taught.  When I see my naturopath, she asks me questions like "eating this way, how would you rate how you feel?" She might even say, "You read a lot, what do you think is best for you?"   She encourages me to listen to my body and take an active role in my recovery.

When I teach a lesson to my adult ESL students, I find that every group is different. What worked for one group might not work for another. I find this out by observation and by asking questions. Since my kids have had the opportunity to learn at home all their lives, they have had the chance to listen to who they are. They have had the chance to figure out what type of learning works best for who they are as individuals. Honestly, they have done quite well without "research" getting in the way.

As a teacher, I believe I come with a background that can help guide the learning of my students. I have years of experience that helps me create lessons that seem to work with the majority of people. However, I occasionally have a class or individual that needs something different.   I try to listen and be open to their needs. I encourage them to figure out what works for them. My rheumatologist also has a background that is important in guiding my joint health. She has years of experience that guides her in what she believes is best.  What I feel is missing with her and the majority of doctors along with a lot of teachers is they don't take the next step. They don't let down their guard as the "experts" and accept that perhaps the patient or student just might know a little about what does and doesn't work for them.

I realize that diet is not going to "cure" my rheumatoid arthritis.   However, I know 100% that when I stray from my diet, I have flares. I know that when my daughter eats gluten, she will have an itchy rash covering her entire body within 24 hours. We have learned this by listening and observing our own bodies. We are cautious about the food we eat because we feel eating well is the right thing to do for both our spirits and our physical bodies. I wonder how often kids in school feel this same way. How often do they feel like they have no rights in listening to who they are? How often do they feel the style of teaching has no effect on them, yet they have to sit there for hours taking it in?

When will we begin to encourage people to take responsibility for themselves by listening to their unique individual needs and wants? When will we encourage people to play an active part in both their learning and in their own health?

How Do You Know Kids Are Learning?

2011-04-29T11:54:00.000-05:00

People often asked, "How do you know that your kids are learning?" Simple. Talk to them. Wake up and sit down together to eat breakfast. Take a walk during the day. Sit down with them while they are playing, reading, or working on a project. Share things you are learning with them. When I talk a lot with my kids, I discover what they are looking up on the computer, what their current interests are, and get a sense of what they are learning about. However, I never worry about whether they are learning or not. That just isn't a philosophy that we believe is possible. We believe we are all learning all the time. Finding out about what our kids are learning through talking to them is just one of the many wonderful gifts we get to share with our kids.

No Math Needed?

2011-04-23T07:48:00.000-05:00

One of my children recently came to the conclusion that if he/she worked at Target, he/she didn't need to know math. This child's observation was that "you scan the item, take the money, and the register tells you how much money to give back." Very true, little math involved. I guess the thing I do love is that this child doesn't realize that money is considered "math". I love that this child just considers money to be part of life that is learned for its own sake and not because it is a subject in school that has to be learned and graded.

I saw this on Facebook the other day and love it! "Everything I am interested in, from cooking to electronics, is related to math. In real life you don’t have to worry about integrating math into other subjects. In real life, math already is integrated into everything else." ~Anna Hoffstrom, from Life Learning Magazine, May/June 2011

Huge Burden Lifted

2011-04-06T09:27:00.000-05:00

I feel like a huge burden has recently been lifted from my mind and heart. As the realization came that my kids are really growing up, I have been having conflicting thoughts about how to deal with this new chapter in our lives. I have felt very unbalanced as I have struggled between listening to my kid's needs, needs of other parents, and my own needs.

The burden was lifted when I took a long walk which gave me time to think and ask questions of myself. What drew me to unschooling in the first place? What keeps my family and me unschooling now?

I was drawn to unschooling because it felt like a natural extension of attachment parenting. I felt like we had trusted our children from day one to become the people they needed to be. I also remember that we started this journey knowing that each child would be ready for the challenges of life in their own time and in their own way. Remembering these two things has helped me tremendously.

The conclusion that I have come to is that my children may be ready to experience more of life on their own than their friends. I may be ready to let them experience more of life on their own than my friends are ready to let their kids do. That doesn't mean either side is wrong, it just means we are listening to who we are and following our hearts.

Once I realized that we can each only do what we are each comfortable with and acknowledged that my family may be ready for more freedoms than others this weighed down feeling was lifted. All the sudden I felt like me. Yes! I do like my kids getting out and experiencing life. I like their stories. I like the people they meet. I like the responsibility they take on. I like that they feel comfortable doing the things they like doing. What I don't like is making them feel that their decisions are not right or not up to other's standards.

Privacy and Freedom

2011-04-04T09:10:00.000-05:00

During my early adulthood and as a parent with young kids, I often wondered if my parents were a little too relaxed with me.  I was not unschooled or even homeschooled, but my parents had a philosophy that "we learn about life from our mistakes." This is a powerful message that I have kept with me all these years.

Now that one of my kids is a teen (almost 15) and the other is very close (almost 13), I am understanding the lessons I learned from my parents in a whole new way. I am realizing that you can't be over protective while also allowing children the freedom to explore life. In order for our kids to make mistakes and learn to live life, they have to fail and to fail they have to have experiences of their own. They have to learn from both their successes and their failures.

My parents gave me a very special gift growing up as a teenager. They gave me privacy and space to make my own decisions. I had a phone in my bedroom with my own phone line. They never monitored the time, the length, or the details of my phone conversations which gave me the freedom to talk to friends without worrying that I was saying something "inappropriate". As far as I know they never snooped through my room and if they did, they never mentioned it. They asked where I was going with friends but didn't need to know every detail of what we did or what was said. We had freedom to walk to the convenience store, freedom to explore our neighborhood, and freedom to meet a variety of people.  We had experiences that didn't involve our parents, something that I feel even our unschooling kids are often lacking. (By the way, I think I turned out to be a pretty good person despite all my freedoms or maybe because of them.)

I often hear, "Well, things are different today." Are they really? Or is this just an excuse to keep our kids under our constant control?   I actually meet more amazing people than not everyday. And even if the world has changed, don't our kids need to prepare themselves for that new world at some point, especially if they themselves are ready? Do we wait until they are ready to leave the nest to try out everything for the first time?

I see my kids needing more and more freedoms as they move into the teen years.  This is all new for me and of course can be scary. But, when I think of limiting my kids to a small world that revolves around what I am comfortable with, that scares me too. My kids are wonderful. They have shown time after time that they can make amazing decisions (they have also shown that they can make decisions that other parents don't "approve" of but that is their problem, not my kids) and have shown that they are ready to take on new challenges. I feel myself getting more and more excited about what lies ahead for them.

What I have to do though to make sure this freedom happens is to keep my focus on the lessons I learned from my parents. I need to let the freedoms my own children are asking for guide me. And most importantly, I need to let the fears of other parents become just that - their fears.

Freedom in Learning and INHOME Conference

2011-03-27T09:54:00.000-05:00

On Friday, Alexander was a panel member with five other teens for the workshop "Is Freedom Scary? The Best and Worst Things About Being in Charge of Your Own Education" at the annual INHOME Conference in St. Charles, IL.

On Thursday, he was looking over the agenda for the workshop. Each panel member was to introduce themselves and then share "what it's been like to have freedom in education". I asked him what he was thinking about sharing. He said, "I don't really know. I have never known anything but freedom so I don't know how to compare it to anything else." Awesome!

The last two days have been exhausting but full of energy and memories. As I sat in my workshops and listened to Peter Gray who is a research professor of psychology at Boston College, Sandra Dodd who has written and been speaking on unschooling for years, and Blake Boles who writes, speaks, and leads trips for self-directed teens, I felt renewed in our decision to unschool. Peter Gray spoke on Sudbury Schools and how his research on graduates who learned in freedom did not show one person who regretted their educational experience or felt they did not have the skills to progress in life successfully.  His presentation on lessons we can learn from hunter gathers was amazing. I could have sat for hours listening to him. Sandra Dodd started off her workshop explaining that her children are now grown and she wanted to share the unforeseen benefits of unschooling and there were many. In fact, she continued on after the workshop was over because she had so much to share. As I sat listening to her, I knew I could also make a rather long list of the unforeseen benefits we have experienced. Blake Boles's workshop was on unveiling the works of John Taylor Gatto. Interwoven into the works of Gatto were Boles's experiences with homeschoolers/unschoolers in his leadership training programs. What I took from his workshop is that our kids do amazing things and with time and freedom they are able to experience failure, an important part of living life fully.

Besides being a participant on a panel, Alexander attended many workshops. He gained a lot of information from his workshops with Blake Boles. In fact, one of his first workshops was titled "Speed Meeting." He loved this because he met a large number of teens face to face right away. Later at the teen dance he felt free to walk up to (or dance up to as I have heard) many people. I guess he danced to every single song. I will never forget how happy he looked coming out of the dance.

For Sophia this weekend was all about independence. She told me upfront that she wanted to be on her own without having to text me about her every location. She loved having the freedom to decide if she would attend a workshop or not. She had a wonderful time. The only problem she experienced was not being allowed into the teen dance. Last year she attended the dance without any problem and never assumed she wouldn't be allowed in this year. For months now the girls (about eight of them) have been planning outfits and dreaming about this dance. When I picked up Sophia's friend early in the morning they were both bouncing on the seat of the car as they excitedly talked about the dance. Together the girls all celebrated one of the gal's birthdays at the swimming pool and then headed up to the hotel room to get dressed. The rules had changed this year for the dance and they were very strict on being 13. Sophia won't be 13 until June. One friend had changed her birth date when registering to attend the workshops for kids 13 and up and all the other friends were already 13, 14 and 15. So, Sophia was the only one that could not attend the dance. One of the moms tried explaining the situation and then I talked to them but they would not budge. Due to a little sneakiness, Sophia did finally get in and had the time of her life. As we talked about it on the way home, she totally understood that at some point they have to have a cut-off and agreed it should be for teens.  The problem I had and still have, although I don't have a solution, is that homeschoolers (maybe it is just unschoolers, I don't know) tend to be big braggers about how our kids aren't confined to an age group or friendships within a certain age range.  I felt like a little leniency could have been applied when it was obvious that a large group of girls were attending together, had planned this out together (they were wearing tutu's), and only one was not able to attend. Anyhow, I admired her determination to get what she wanted at whatever costs.

Overall, a wonderful weekend.  We ran into a lot of friends we haven't seen in a while and I think all three of us took a lot of good information and wonderful memories from this weekend. The kids could not stop talking as we drove home.  They were both full of great stories to share.  We definitely appreciate all the hard work that was put into this conference and can't wait for next year.

Moms enjoying a little fun together while teens attended the dance.

The dads arrived at the hotel Friday night for a little parent fun!

Sophia (far left) and friends

Alexander with a few friends before the dance

Video Games

2011-03-10T20:33:00.001-06:00

I told Alexander today that it would be awesome if he could speak to moms about video games. I love when he shares what he is doing with me. Today he was drawing out a picture trying to figure out a problem on MineCraft. Video games really are amazing!

Always Learning

2011-03-04T05:24:00.000-06:00

What I love about unschooling is just when you have convinced yourself that your child is focusing 100% of his/her attention on his/her social life, you find out they have been reading books on how to be a good writer and have even been researching to find classes that meet their needs. I love it! These kids never cease to amaze me.

Vietnam War

2011-02-27T12:56:00.000-06:00

Alexander has decided to study the Vietnam War. I am sad that I learned so little about this time period in school, but also excited to be learning about it with and from Alexander.

What Have I Created?

2011-02-18T08:59:00.000-06:00

When we started out on a path of a child led education, my husband and I had a few definite goals in mind. We wanted our children to learn freely in a style that met their needs as individuals and we wanted our kids to grow up confident with a deep respect for themselves. Guess what? One day you look up and realize that you have raised two young teens who are critical thinkers, dive into whatever it is that is their present interest, and understand fully what it means to be active decision makers in their education and life. Guess what else? Once you realize what you have created, it scares the pants off you!

Babysitting

2011-02-18T08:30:00.001-06:00

The other day Alexander received a call on his cell phone. It was the mom of the kindergartner he babysits on Thursday mornings. Her son wanted to talk to Alexander. As I listened, I heard Alexander giving step by step directions of how to make it through the next stage of a video game. I love it! Every time I think of this little guy calling Alexander it makes me smile. It makes me smile because Alexander has shared how at first it took almost thirty minutes to get this little guy dressed and ready for school and now it takes little time or effort on his part because he has figured out that once he engages him in meaningful conversation, the little guy doesn't even realize he is getting ready for school. In fact, they keep showing up early. I also love that this little guy has one hour a day to spend on video games and saves half of that time to play with Alexander.

Pasture Raised Kids?

2011-02-02T17:01:00.000-06:00

This morning this photo comparing conventional, organic, and pasture raised liver posted on The Healthy Skeptic's Facebook page (courtesy of Nourishing Our Children) caught my attention. Seeing the differences between livers created a feeling of gratitude that my family made the switch to pasture raised meat about eight years ago.   As my husband and I discussed the photo we also acknowledged that the food changes we have made over the years have benefits beyond anything we can even imagine.

As I forwarded this photo to my kids, I started thinking about how the hearts and minds of our children must also vary depending on how they are raised. A vision of three completely different hearts and minds entered my head.  Would the hearts and minds of children who have lived their lives confined to hours and hours of "education" that doesn't apply to any of their personal goals or interests be affected in ways similar to the conventional liver? What kind of shape would we find the hearts and minds of children who have been told over and over again that the way they learn is not the correct way to learn? What happens to the hearts and minds of children who never have time to play, to explore, or to be bored? What can we expect from the hearts and minds of children that are living a life decided on by people that have no personal interest in them? And what damage must already have happened to the hearts and minds of children that have forgotten what it feels like or possibly never even known what it feels like to trust in yourself? I have a feeling that the hearts and minds of these children would look very much like that of the conventional liver above.

What would the organic hearts and minds of children be then?  In my head they are the children that have been fed a steady amount of curriculum education while also having some time outside of that world to explore personal interests. They have been confined by a set of rules and expectations set by others, yet they are also lucky enough to realize there is more to life than what is fed to them.

To me, the pasture raised liver would be similar to the hearts and minds of our unschooled children. They have spent a lifetime of freedom to roam along a path that allows for exploring, periods of uninterrupted thoughts, long hours sleeping, and for discovery. They have the freedom to feed their brains with food that doesn't just fatten them up, but nourishes them.  Unlike their confined peers, they have never experienced anything but freedom and sunshine.  They have followed a path that nourishes their deepest desires or at least had ample time to dream about them. They have learned early what their strengths are and they have been encouraged to strengthen them in ways that might seem out of the ordinary. They are living life freely.

I want the meat I eat to be as pure as possible. I want to know that it has been humanely raised. I want to know that the animals I eat have experienced sunshine, foods that nourish them, and movement to be who they were meant to be. I want the same thing for my children. I want their hearts and minds to look as beautiful and clean as the pasture raised liver above.  And, I like knowing that by allowing them to learn freely, we are allowing for benefits that we can never imagine right now.   Mostly, I just like watching them. I like watching them learn who they are. I like them feeling frustrated, bored, disappointed, excited, happy, loved, and much more.

Unschooling, Respect, and Rules

2011-01-31T08:28:00.000-06:00

As parents, my husband and I have never been about rules. We realize we are each unique individuals with needs and wants that may differ for each person in our family. We trust that each of us makes the choices he/she does because they satisfy a need or want that sometimes can't be understood by all. One thing we do expect however, is that when we each make decisions for ourselves they need to be respectful to other family members. When any one of us feels this respect has been trampled on, it is time to talk.

For the last several years the kids have had a different sleep schedule from Steve and me. We both work in the morning or have other responsibilities earlier in the day and in order to meet those responsibilities, we must get to sleep early so we can rise early. Both kids have enjoyed staying up later playing XBOX Live with friends or chatting online. Only recently has this different schedule created a problem. I have found myself awake now several mornings in a row at 2:30 due to my daughter talking loudly and laughing out loud. I have asked for the tone to be turned down and although I do believe she has tried, it is difficult to remember this when you are having fun on SKYPE with several friends.

So, as I lay in bed tossing and turning, a thousand ideas go through my mind. Right off, I think, "Hey, I am the mom. This is the time to pull the mom card and set some rules for computer and bed time. " My thoughts also turn to finding a new location for my daughter to sit while on SKYPE so that we aren't sharing a bedroom wall. This way she could stay up as late as she wants knowing that there are possible consequences to this decision such as not being able to wake up in time the next morning for homeschool group, possibly missing out on running errands since the gal that drives (me) does them earlier in the day, or oversleeping and missing paid responsibilities to neighbors.

I am sure there are a million possibilities to this current situation and laying in bed trying to figure out the answer on my own isn't one of them. I know that the person I have to talk to is my daughter. I know that setting up rules for her will only create a situation for her to break them and that's not what we are about as a family. What I know in my heart is that she has to have input into the decision for anything to work. I know that we have to talk and come to a decision that respects both of our needs. That will be on the agenda for today.

Bored Unschoolers

2011-01-19T09:58:00.000-06:00

There are times as unschoolers that my kids are bored. I tend to have momentary feelings of panic during these times. I panic that perhaps they are not satisfied with their unschooling experiences or that I am not providing outlets for all the experiences they need. Then I discuss my fears with my husband and the calm returns. He reminds me that boredom is normal and not something to be feared. He shares stories of being a teenager and experiencing feelings of boredom even with a busy schedule of work and school. He reminds me that it is not my job to fix their boredom. That filling that void is something that comes from within. Sometimes we need to have periods of boredom in order to figure out what our next move will be. We need boredom to allow for the down time to explore new options. Boredom is a part of life that brings us to our next step in discovery. Today Sophia has asked me to take her to buy paint supplies. She wants to experiment with some ideas that have developed out of her recent stage of boredom. I am excited to see what she comes up with.

Hugs

2011-01-13T09:35:00.000-06:00

Alexander, 14 and Sophia, 12 still come up to me many times during the day in need of hugs or to share something they have on their minds. I often wonder if they were in school, would this need be met and if so, how?

A Need To Learn From Peers

2011-01-11T08:32:00.000-06:00

Yesterday afternoon Alexander and I spent time cleaning the laundry/storage room. It has been a project that I have put off for too long. Although I really didn't enjoy the work of organizing and sorting through things, it felt good to get rid of things we have been accumulating for too long. The best part of yesterday though was hanging out with Alexander. His mind is full of thoughts and he loves to discuss each one of them. We talked about a variety of topics: video games, YouTube videos, books, food politics, religion, and news.

What I struggle with most right now is finding him an outlet to share more of his views with others. I think what he would really like is a group of friends of any age that enjoy sitting and talking about the economy, politics, religion, history, and society as a whole. We have talked about enrolling him in a class at the community college to learn more about some of these topics, but I don't think that is what he wants. He wants to learn from peers and be challenged by peers through discussions. I can see him sitting in a coffee shop having heated debates and loving it. I am not sure how we are going to fill this need he has, but just knowing what he craves right now in his learning helps me focus and hopefully it will help us to find an outlet that meets his needs.

Smart Kids

2011-01-07T10:30:00.000-06:00

I wish I was as smart as my kids. Some days they just blow me away with how much they know.

Don't Even Blink....Yarns of the Heart

2010-12-30T11:43:00.000-06:00

I always love reading new posts over at Yarns of the Heart. A homeschooling mom that has shown how loving your children as they are produces awesome people who are now 21, 18, and 16 years of age. Check out her new post titled Don't Even Blink. If you are in the mist of raising children, this is a great reminder to slow down and enjoy the moment.

Worry and Trust

2010-12-23T11:00:00.000-06:00

As an unschooler I have trusted that my children will learn what they need to learn, when they are ready to learn it. For the most part, this has been easy for me. I talk a lot with the kids, I watch them, I listen, and I have seen over and over again that when they listen to who they are, things always work out okay.

I have had the pleasure of having two kids that have always wanted to be fairly close to me. I have always enjoyed this connection with them and I have found it enjoyable to watch them grow and mature. With this growth and maturity though, I find that they are now ready to branch off some from mom. They are ready to experience life more frequently on their own without the careful eye of momma. I am going to have to say that as they enter their teen years, especially with Sophia who is quite the adventurer, I find that some days it is hard to remember that "when they listen to who they are, things always work out okay."

Life Learning Magazine editor Wendy Priesnitz had an article on Facebook the other day on worrying and trust. She says, "Worry is a bad habit. It comes from negative assumptions about all the bad things that might happen – and from the magical thinking that worrying will actually prevent those bad things from happening."

There are days when I feel completely at ease with anything my kids are ready to take on. I even shared this confidence with Sophia one day when we were talking about a situation with a friend where the mom didn't want her daughter to climb a tree because she might get hurt. I said to Sophia, "she also might have the greatest time of her life." Other days, like when my 12 year old asks if she can take the train to Chicago and spend the day with friends, I feel scared and worry about all the things that "might" happen. It is then that Sophia reminds me that "she also 'might' have the time of her life."

Priesnitz goes on to say, "While worry is a waste of time, harmful to the worrier, and annoying to the person who is being smothered by the worrying, concern for children is an appropriate attitude on the part of all adults. " And in the end this is generally the way it works out in our family. I go through some episodes of worry and then come around to the point that I share my concerns with the kids and talk it through with them. Most often they surprise me by having also thought through these concerns and having solutions ready to share. Other times they listen and will either decide now is not the time or do some research to satisfy my concerns. In the end I find that worry doesn't get me anywhere except frustrating myself. I trust that my kids know what is best for themselves and when I keep the worry out and instead share my concerns, we are always able to come to a happy conclusion.

More on Babysitting

2010-12-23T10:56:00.000-06:00

This morning I walked with Alexander to his Thursday morning babysitting job. As we got near the house, his little guy flung the door open ready for Alexander to come inside and play with him. It is moments like this that I have absolutely no doubt that attachment parenting was a success. I see from the way younger kids respond to both Alexander and Sophia that they are not only fun babysitters, but they are also trusted and respected.

Babysitting

2010-12-21T10:20:00.000-06:00

Back in August Sophia decided she was going to start babysitting as a way to earn extra money to pay for her trip to Vermont. She is so excited to attend the NOT Back to School Camp next year and has been responsible in emailing any and all questions she/I have. Right now she has earned 3/4 of the money needed and should have the remainder within the next few months.

When Sophia decided to start babysitting, she put an ad in our neighborhood newsletter. Within about a week of putting the ad in the paper she received a call from a mom needing someone several times a week for a couple of hours each time. (She has since received a few other jobs that came not from the ad but from her reputation in the neighborhood as a responsible person.) When she started, the baby was 15 months old. Sophia had never changed a diaper so a good friend of hers used her diaper wearing sister as the model and showed Sophia how to change a diaper, including important things such as the direction to wipe a girl, pulling the diaper tight and much more valuable information. Friends are awesome teachers!

Since the end of August Sophia has been babysitting Lily. Not only do I like that she is paying for her own trip and taking on the responsibility of another person, but I love that she is developing a great relationship with another adult.   Before Sophia started babysitting Lily, I requested a trip over with her to go over the details of what the mom expects. We were there for almost an hour and the entire time we were there, the mom talked to Sophia as if I wasn't there. I loved it! Many times adults talk to me rather than my kids when they are the ones taking the responsibility for a job.

Over the many months with this mom, Sophia has shared several of their conversations.  This mom is a therapist and will often discuss interesting things about her job with Sophia.  Like most children, Sophia is interested in the lives of adults. Also, all scheduling is done through Sophia via email, text or phone. Often when the mom emails Sophia, she also shares funny stories about Lily.

I appreciate this mom tremendously. I appreciate that she treats my daughter with respect. I love that she treats my daughter as a person capable of doing a good job. This respect makes my daughter want to do that much better when sitting for Lily. I believe this mom is a nice addition to the role models in Sophia's life. I think she would agree.

Gaming and Socialization

2010-12-21T09:59:00.000-06:00

I have recently been fascinated with posts from a 6th grade teacher in Alberta who writes about grading, testing and overall problems in schools at For the Love of Learning. His last two posts are based on a book written by John Paul Gee titled What Video Games Have to Teach Us About Learning and Literacy. Check it out! Awesome.

100% Unschooling Support

2010-12-19T12:57:00.001-06:00

Although I am in two unschooling groups, I often feel like a minority on my unschooling views. Many families follow a "child-led" philosophy for certain parts of their child's education while requiring them to study other parts, which is fine, it just isn't what my husband and I have chose to do. We follow a philosophy that allows our children to be decision makers in every aspect of their lives.

Finding parents that support a 100% child led education is rare and when you do, you realize how comforting it is to talk to them. Last night I was at a Christmas party and was able to talk to a mom that I have known for a long time and is right on track with my family in regards to education. It was so refreshing. I sometimes forget how wonderful it feels to just talk freely about my beliefs without fearing that I am not being respectful to other's choices. I loved sharing experiences of my kids and having this friend say, "I know."

We all need to follow the style of parenting and style of educating our children that feels appropriate to us. When we follow our heart, we don't go wrong. So, although I respect the decisions of the majority of my unschooling friends, I also get a little excited to connect with someone who totally gets where I am coming from. I think we all need that occasionally.

Different Way to Socialize

2010-12-17T09:30:00.000-06:00

I had to laugh when I was waken from my sleep a few nights ago to Sophia laughing and using a louder voice than usual at this time of night. In my daze I wondered if maybe Sophia was having a sleepover. No, it wasn't a sleepover. She was on SKYPE with a few friends having a great time. She was even watching one of them in the kitchen as she made cookies. What possibilities they have for socialization.

Video Games and Socialization

2010-12-15T09:02:00.001-06:00

A complaint I often hear from people about video games is that the kids don't socialize. I always find myself laughing internally when I hear this because it is the same complaint I hear from people non homeschoolers about homeschoolers. Both just aren't true.

When Alexander woke up this morning I asked if he was up late last night. Yes, he was and could hardly wait to tell me why. He purchased a $13 game online two days ago called MindCraft. So far he has loved that he has the ability to build everything in this game. But last night the game became more enjoyable when he realized that he could play the game with his friends. With the help of his sister, he signed up for SKYPE so the boys could all talk while playing the game and then together they began building maps, houses and more. Alexander said it feels kind of like they pioneers. There is nothing in the town and they have to go out looking for materials to create homes, being careful not to use anything that could also be explosive. He said the cool thing about this game is that it will continue to change as the town evolves.

What I see when he shares these stories with me are three boys that are working collaboratively to create a town. Together they are figuring out the materials to use and then hope to have other friends join them. I also see the boys going out and doing additional research on their own to find out how other people have used the game and then reporting back to the group. It is almost like an assigned group research project where everyone has a job and together they make it come together.

What I liked best about his story was that he said he was up late because as he played with his friends, they were laughing and having a really good time and he didn't want to get off. Luckily for us as homeschoolers, he can sleep in the next day and still get the sleep his growing body needs. I also like that I can already see the new creations forming in his mind. He is ready to experiment with the game and see where it takes not only him, but his friends.

Another thing I like is that as homeschoolers who meet two to three times a week with friends, this gives my son another source of socializing and connecting with his friends. As homeschoolers we are often spread out distance wise from each other and getting together on a daily basis just isn't possible. However, together the boys can still work together on a common goal while having a great time! I love it.

Learning All the Time

2010-12-10T13:22:00.000-06:00

"We are learning all the time - about the world and about ourselves. We learn without knowing that we are learning and we learn without effort every moment of the day. We learn what is interesting to us... and we learn from what makes sense to us, because there is nothing to learn from what confuses us except that it is confusing." - Frank Smith

Following Our Intuition

2010-11-21T09:27:00.000-06:00

"I’ve always had the intuition that my quest had a meaning and that I would have things to share on a larger scale some day. Over time this feeling has proven to be true." This came from an interview Erwan Le Corre has on his site about MovNat, a philosophy of "exploring your true nature" .

When I read this, it totally summed up the feeling I hope my children are gaining as unschoolers. They both have unique, wonderful gifts to share with this world (as all of us do). My hope is that by living an authentic, natural life where they have plenty of time to play, learn, relax, think, and explore that their intuition will always guide them to share the wonderful gifts they have whether on a small or large scale.

Goals Become Gifts

2010-11-15T10:19:00.000-06:00

I have always held two main goals in my mind in regards to how we unschool. One, I want my children to grow up believing and accepting in the individual gifts they have brought to this life. Second, I want my husband and I to be there to guide them and help them to achieve these goals while having lots of fun along the way. I have always thought that if these two goals were met, my kids would be successful in whatever they do. I have never questioned these goals, but allowed them to guide me each and every day. What I never imagined years ago when I dreamed up these goals for our unschooling/family journey was that my kids would also have those same goals for my husband and me. What a wonderful gift we have been given.

For the Love of Learning

2010-11-13T07:18:00.002-06:00

I discovered a new site yesterday on education: For the Love of Learning. Check it out.

Video Games/Teen Research

2010-11-13T07:17:00.000-06:00

Alexander picked up his pre-ordered Call of Duty: Black Ops video game on Tuesday. He has been busy learning the "ins" and "outs" of the game and having fun with his friends. He was surprised that many of them didn't know who Fidel Castro is.  I reminded him that history is his strength.  His friends have strengths in other areas. He agreed. Plus, I think he enjoys sharing what he knows with his friends. Don't we all?

Each night before Alexander goes to bed, he reads a little from whatever book he is reading and spends some time on his iPad or draws. This is a routine he has set for himself before going to sleep. So, it was no surprise when he woke up one morning this week to tell me about some additional research he did one evening on Cuba and the United States.   The video game had created new interest that caused him to need answers. He learns like an adult. When he has a question, he goes searching for it.

With almost every video game he owns, Alexander has found several things that have intrigued him to do further research to fill in the blanks of the game.  I love this! I love that he learns in a way that fits his individual self.

Chuckie Cheese Benefit Night

2010-11-05T16:38:00.000-05:00

When I see notices at our neighborhood school for "Chuckie Cheese Benefit Night", I am so glad my kids are homeschooled.

Late Readers

2010-10-23T11:18:00.000-05:00

I remember almost ten years ago, when I first discovered the philosophy of unschooling, reading that many unschoolers tend to be "late readers".  I read that some kids might not even read until they were 12 or 13. This didn't really surprise me as I often saw kids struggling to read when I was a 5th grade teacher. These kids were very intelligent, but they just didn't seem ready to take on reading......yet.

So, although the idea of "late readers" has never bothered or surprised me, I didn't think either of my children would fit into that category. When I read about unschooling ten years ago, my children were young kids with amazing vocabularies as well as comprehension of books I read to them that was quite impressive.  But guess what? Both of my kids were "late readers".

Sophia was seven years old when she taught herself to read. She was interesting because learning to read seemed to be a personal goal for her and once she achieved it, she didn't "appear" to read anything for another two years, although she loved for me to read to her. One morning when she was nine years old she woke up and told me all about Otherwise Known As Sheila the Great book she was reading. She understood everything. For the next year she would ask me about a few words here and there, but mostly did everything on her own.

Alexander is a very auditory learner.  His knowledge has always amazed me. He has always had us read instructions to him that most people throw out. As we read to him, you could see him visualizing what to do and he didn't forget a detail. So, at 7, 8, 9, 10 and even into 11 and 12 when reading by himself didn't seem to be of importance, I didn't worry. I figured that as quickly as he learned everything else, that reading would come when he was ready.

Around 12.5 years old Alexander decided to make a conscious effort towards learning to read. He was now ready. We discovered together that he needed me to provide him with some phonics instruction. Also, he asked to read to me every day - not only asked but demanded. Slowly he became more confident and before we knew it, he was reading everything. Just as quickly, his writing became strong and he asked to do more advanced skills like research papers.

Although my kids are considered "late readers" by society, we think of it more as they read when they were ready and not a minute before. As unschoolers they set their own schedules. They listen to their bodies and hearts and know when it is time to move on to the next step of knowledge in their life.

This morning Alexander shared with me some of what he read last night of 1984, the book he is reading right now. He has also done some research on his own about George Orwell. Sophia told me this afternoon that she needs to go to the library tomorrow and again next week because she will have finished the books she plans to checkout and doesn't like having a gap in between books. They both LOVE reading.  In my opinion, it doesn't matter when someone learns to read, but that they have developed a true love and appreciation for the art of reading. Luckily for my kids, they have it!

"How Do You Know That?"

2010-10-18T09:11:00.000-05:00

Sophia often shares information with me that is interesting. I always say, "How do you know that?" She always answers, "I just looked it up." or "I just asked." This just happened on Friday. The two of us were in a new town doing some exploring while Alexander was in chemistry class. We saw a building for the blind. She asked me what it was and I told her I thought it was similar to a place in my hometown where many blind people work. She wanted to know for sure and asked if we could go in and ask. So, we did. We found out that they convert utility bills to Braille for customers that request this service. That's pretty cool.

What I have noticed about Sophia as she gets older is that it often "appears" that she isn't as involved in learning because she doesn't have anything specific she is working on for long periods of time. However, she is constantly finding answers to the many questions she has. She is a curious individual. She doesn't need to spend hours, days or month on a topic. When she has a question, she searches until she finds the answer and then moves on. I like that. In a way it seems very relaxing to me. Very simple. Yet, the information she uncovers is very detailed and stays with her. She has discovered a way of learning that perfectly fits who she is.

WWII Reenactment

2010-09-26T12:15:00.000-05:00

It has been two years since we attended our first WWII reenactment in Rockford, IL. In the last two years Alexander, who loves WWII history, has learned a lot. As we explored the camps with trenches, weapons and awesome WWII reenactors and learned more from the towns people, it seemed like Alexander was a different person. His knowledge base has changed so much and what he sought to learn was at a different level. This was an awesome experience for the whole family.

Video Games Lead to Other Learning

2010-09-26T07:15:00.002-05:00

Alexander was recently telling me about some type of proposal that would make "M" rated video games more difficult to purchase. He said, "I know I may not be the typical video game player, but my interest in video games led me to reading Atlas Shrugged and now Animal Farm." Then he explained to me his frustration with this proposal and how he had spent time the previous evening reading information on the BILL of RIGHTS. I truly love this kid!

I am sure that if Alexander wasn't a video game player that he would probably still continue to enjoy reading books that challenge his mind and have a sense of pride in knowing what his individual freedoms are, but I like that he knows how to balance it all. I think many times people unjustly "sterotype" all gamers and in my opinion, it is very unfair.

Play, Listening to Our Bodies, and Natural Exercise

2010-09-24T07:37:00.000-05:00

Recently I have been captivated by videos and readings of Erwan Le Corre from MovNat, "who may rank as one of the most all-around physically fit men on the planet," according to Men's Health magazine. His philosophy is that "our true nature is to be strong, healthy, happy and free." Rather than using weight machines and elliptical machines or even focusing on muscles groups, he uses nature as his gym. He runs, he jumps, he crawls, he climbs, he throws rocks, he swims, and much more.

As I watch his videos I am reminded of how important it is to just let our children play. When I watch videos of his workouts, I can see many of the same moves my kids do in their natural play, even as a tween and teenager. They squat, they roll, they jump, they lunge, they throw, they bike, they swim, they run hard, they MOVE! They don't follow a specific exercise plan set up by me or themselves, they just move because it feels like the right thing to do.

As I watch the videos I also think about my experiences as a fifth grade teacher when my students spent most of their day sitting in desks. Of course they had a 20 minute recess at lunch each day and 30 minute physical education class three times a day, but is that enough?  By planning out our children's physical education time are we really setting them up to "unlearn" how to listen to the moves that their own bodies naturally want to do?

The bodies that I saw sitting in my classroom, often slumped and lethargic by 1:00 were so different than what I see with my own children. Being at home everyday, they might be lying on the couch reading or busy playing Lego's when all the sudden they feel the need to jump and move.  They know when and how their body needs to move and they do it!  They are in tune with their own bodies. Some days Alexander will say, "I am going for a run."  He doesn't have a specific schedule he follows, some days he just feels the need to get up and run. Sophia does the same thing with bike riding. She just needs to get out in nature and move her body.

The last year or so Alexander has become a jumper. He jumps over benches and rocks. He jumps off of playground equipment. He just loves jumping. Watching Le Corre's video, I see he is just following what his body is meant to do.  Sophia has developed a love for climbing and enjoys seeing how high up a tree she can get. (Yes, it does scare me but so does not letting her live her life and have a variety of experiences!)

I often think about my own experiences in school with physical education.  There were times when I really liked it. I liked when we had to run laps at the beginning of class. I liked swimming in high school. I liked dodge ball and field day in elementary school. I was especially good at running and throwing.  But other than that, I often found it embarrassing as I could never do a cart wheel, and felt literally sick in high school when we had to design our own gymnastics routine to perform in front of others. I always felt I wasn't athletic even though I always enjoyed working my body hard.  As an adult, I have never grown tired of playing hide-n-seek (running, squatting, moving from side to side to prevent being tagged) or tag with the kids, bike riding, long walks, or catch. But, I have also grown accustomed to doing designed workouts.  What I am taking from this video is that I can appreciate more of the natural things I do with my body that I also enjoy such as raking, shoveling snow, playing on the playground equipment with the kids, stretching.....basically just moving. I do enjoy that!

Kids Continue to Thrive with Unschooling

2010-09-12T18:46:00.006-05:00

Alexander was signed up for a homeschool algebra class through the community college that was supposed to start tomorrow. It was cancelled due to low enrollment. He was really looking forward to this class, but I think in the long run, it will work out better for us to try again in January.

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As I was talking to my dad on the phone the other day he said, "Tell your kids how proud of them I am." That felt good. My family has always supported our educational decisions, even though they may not totally understand what "unschooling" is all about. I appreciate that they "trust" that as the parents of Alexander and Sophia we are making the best choices for them.

As the kids get older I think it becomes more evident how "trusting" them to learn in a style and time frame that worked individually for them has been a benefit. They are both just as curious about life as they were when they were children. They are constantly asking questions and finding new ways to get their answers explained. They both LOVE reading! They take chances. They are driven by their own personal goals. They are responsible.

We have followed the philosophy that children learn in all they do. We allowed lots of time for play, lots of time for family togetherness, lots of time for exploring and lots of time to follow our own personal interests. Together we have learned from each other and that pattern continues to be a good match for my family. It feels especially good though when someone that I highly respect, like my dad, positively acknowledges our choices.

Sharing Reading

2010-09-04T08:27:00.002-05:00

Ever since the kids were little they would want to know the details of whatever book I was reading. I always shared. Now, I love when they share with me. Alexander just finished Atlas Shrugged and is now reading Animal Farm. I love when he wakes up in the morning after a night of reading and the first thing he wants to talk about is what he read the night before.

Watching Learning Happen

2010-07-29T07:28:00.007-05:00

My sister Stacey has been visiting and it has been refreshing to watch her two boys - six and nine years old. They both remind me so much of my own kids at this age and just how natural learning comes to kids.

Leo, six, loves Alexander's XBOX. Any free moment we have he is checking to see if Alexander will set a game up for him. Alexander is so patient and sits with him explaining the games and setting time limits for each of them so everyone gets a turn. After each new game, Leo heads upstairs to make a book cover of the game. He uses invented spelling for the titles and does an excellent job sounding out the words. Then he draws a picture. I love it. I love that he has found a way to put what he learned into a format that helps him remember and process. After completing his book cover he tells us about it, not because we ask him to but because it is one more way he has found of processing what he has learned.

Levi, 9, is a hat collector. For Levi's birthday, Alexander made a hat out of duct tape and a wallet out of duct tape for Leo. Levi was fascinated by this idea and asked Alexander to show him how to make his own duct tape art. As we headed to Target to get a variety of duct tape colors my sister asked Levi wanted he wanted to make. He said he was thinking about making a purse for Sophia. I love it! His heart is so kind. I have noticed this week that he loves giving to others which made this learning project perfect for him. This week he has made a lot: a purse for Sophia that is really cute along with purses for Stacey and me, a wizard hat for Alexander, a pen holder for Steve, and I think maybe a wallet for his dad. Plus, he has numerous other gift ideas to make when he gets home.

One evening Stacey took the boys downtown to see Lookingglass Alice. Both boys are already into Alice in Wonderland. They loved the live performance and the spin on the story. After the show they stopped to eat before taking the train back here. The time together gave them a chance to retell the story and share what they enjoyed. When they got home at almost midnight they wanted to watch the movie Alice in Wonderland as well as have their drinks in teacups. Of course Stacey went along with all of this. I love that about her. Her boys go to school, but she is really an unschooler at heart. She understands the part she plays as a parent in encouraging her boys to learn in ways that are meaningful to them.

Learning is such a personal thing. When we have the desire, the ideas just ooze out of us. With Levi I saw problem solving happening as he figured out ways to make the ideas he had in his head come to life. Then he kept at it because it felt good and he had more ideas to share. With Leo, he enjoys the video games and asks lots of good questions and then takes quiet time alone to process what he learned from the games. Plus, there were silly jokes shared and bonding between cousins that is priceless. After the show the boys needed to share and be a part of the show. So much learning and developing happened by following those things in life that interest them and then having family that supports those desires and want to share in the excitement. Natural learning really is amazing.

Valedictorian Speech

2010-07-21T09:25:00.000-05:00

Wow! Check out this valedictorian speech given by Erica Goldson. Absolutely awesome!!!

Video Games

2010-07-10T10:44:00.000-05:00

High on Alexander's list of interests is video games and he prefers games that have a storyline. He likes playing XBOX LIVE so he can interact with his friends. Our kitchen leads to the family room so when I am working in the kitchen, I often hear him cracking up at something one of his friends said. I love that they can stay connected even when we are home.

We have a great deal at our local library. Alexander can check out different XBOX games for one week for FREE!!! Since he buys all of his own games, he loves this idea and takes full advantage of it. A week seems to be a good length of time also for him to finish a game and then if he likes it, we can return it and recheck it out on our next visit to the library.

Along with playing the video games, Alexander will now also go online and search for videos and information about the games he likes. After playing Bioshock, he found out that it is based on the book Atlas Shrugged. According to the Atlas Shrugged website this is an "epic story. Set in a near-future U.S.A., Ayn Rand's thrilling masterpiece features the mysterious disappearance of the top innovators and industrialists—and demonstrates a new moral philosophy: the morality of rational self-interest." Thanks again to our local library it is available on CD (48 CDS), one of Alexander's favorite ways of "reading" a book.

The story is long and at first Alexander wasn't seeing the similarities between the book and video game but then all the sudden he is picking up on everything and is making lots of comparisons. Plus, he just really enjoys the book. He is at an age right now where he is really thinking about the world and each morning after listening he has lots to share.

Last week when our homeschool group was at Cantigny, several of the boys were making connections and discussing comparisons to the weapons on display and the video game Call of Duty.

Also interesting is that Alexander's XBOX LIVE (he pays for that too) ran out recently and I asked if he was going to renew it. He said he would in September when Halo REACH comes out but this summer he has too many other things he wants to accomplish: he is making a miniature Big Daddy costume from the Bioshock video game (I guess if you go online people have made quite elaborate costumes. Seeing him cutting paper, gluing, etc remind me of when he was younger and he made his own Yu-Gi-Oh cards), making agility equipment for our border collie, swimming, training for a 5K in October, extra dog sitting jobs, finishing Atlas Shrugged, reading with me about WWII (I can't wait for the ending of the book we are reading. I find myself telling my husband interesting facts at the end of the day about WWII), science camp this week, and much more. Of course, he knows that video game play time is up to him. He plays as much or as little as he wants, we don't have any time restrictions. However, in true unschooling philosophy, kids, like adults eventually crave other things in their life and move on to other things for a while.

I think one of keys to unschooling is looking outside of what educators have told us is "educational". When we allow our children to experiment with a wide variety of resources, they find what works for them as individuals and then continuously build on that excitement. Video games tend to get a lot of really bad feedback from moms as "trash" and a "waste of time". I have also heard how they create violent monsters. Personally, I haven't seen any of that and find comments such as these narrow minded. When Alexander plays a video game that he finds a "waste of time" he doesn't play it again. With the library making video games available for free that helps weed out the "waste of time" games. If Alexander is paying for a game he will do lots of research online first, get feedback from his friends and then make a decision (just like we do as adults). He has always used video games as a baseline for what he is interested in and then we go from there. We have researched lots of history, government, economics, relationships, etc based on video games he plays. Alexander has always shared details of the games he plays, enjoys me sitting and watching and would even prefer that I play with him. Many times he will say, "Thanks for listening to all my video game stories." I don't always understand or even remember everything he tells me but I do enjoy that he includes me and wants to share what he is doing with me.

For years now my husband and Alexander have had "XBOX morning" every Sunday. They wake up at 7am, sneak away for Starbucks and come back home to play several hours of XBOX together. Alexander and Steve both look forward to this time together every week. When there is a midnight release of a game, Steve and Alexander head out together. When Alexander gets a new game, Sophia jokes, "Guess what we will be talking about on our walk?" Video games, just like any other interest, deserve to be valued if it is important to our children. As with any topic of learning my kids are interested in, we as a family take an interest and together learn so much!

Making Connections

2010-07-03T20:12:00.005-05:00

We have a really cool war museum near our house, Cantigny, that we have visited many times. One of the displays is on Omaha Beach. I have sat numerous times lazily listening to the video about what happened at Omaha Beach but never put the pieces together of how important it was to WWII or even pictured in my mind where it actually occurred.

Alexander wants to improve his oral reading skills and is reading aloud to me everyday. We are currently reading The Good Fight: How WWII was Won. The other day Alexander read aloud about D-Day. As we looked at the map, finally the pieces came together for me. "Oh, D-Day and Omaha Beach are connected," I said to Alexander. He gave me one of his looks that says, "Poor Momma, she just doesn't get it." Then he gently reminded me of the opening scene in Saving Private Ryan. I like when he explains things to me in a way that makes sense to me.

My slow learning process made me think about the learning process of our children. Our children are exposed to numerous learning experiences each and every day. However, just because they are exposed to the information doesn't mean they are making the connections or that the information is even soaking in. Sometimes they need to be exposed to the same information over and over again and is the reason they keep asking to have the same book read to them, want to watch the same video for the one hundredth time, or want to return to the same museum. Perhaps it just takes one little thing to spark the information before it will become important enough for the connection to finally be made. And, as hard as we try to expose our children to lots of learning situations, sometimes the information they are exposed to just isn't beneficial to them and no matter how many times they hear it, it doesn't soak in. I don't think that is a bad thing. I think our brain is so busy being fascinated with things that uniquely interest us that it can't take the energy away to learn the things someone else wants us to learn.
Luckily for me I was finally at a place that I allowed my mind to not wander and was able to make the connection between D-Day, France and Omaha Beach.

WWII has never held a lot of interest for me until now. Now that Alexander is interested in it and I see it through his eyes, I can see how the weapons, aircraft and strategy hold so much of his attention. Last week when our group attended Cantigny, they had a special display of vehicles and weapons set up. As Alexander and I walked around, he wanted to tell me something about almost everything there. I was truly impressed with his knowledge. Also, he was able to answer a few of his friend's questions. Awesome.

Unschooling allows our children plenty of time to learn about the things that interest them. Not only do they have time to learn, they have time to allow the information to soak in so they can process it in a way that makes sense to them. Several years ago when Alexander attended Cantigny, he would bring wooden guns he made and would play war with his friends or dad on the climbable tanks. He took the information he learned about in the museum, from the History Channel and from our readings and then played out what he understood. Now, at 14, he came home and shared what he saw that day with his dad. Alexander has a WWII bayonet and saw the gun that it attaches to. Pretty exciting.

Alexander has had a special interest in WWII for several years. If he was in school or even if we were following a homeschool curriculum, he would have maybe a month of study time on this topic if he was lucky. I personally never learned about WWII until I took an American History class in college. However, for the last three years or so, he has continued to pursue learning about this time in history. With age, his understanding of it becomes much more sophisticated. WWII has so many levels to it - war strategy, weapons, aircraft, holocaust, Axis/Allies, rationing, the people, the losses, the hope, etc. Even as Alexander has read to me we have had discussions on prejudice, gun laws, education, geography and more. When our children are allowed and encouraged to follow the things in life that interest them, great things really do happen. In fact, when our children are allowed to follow their interests, eventually their mommas make their own connections and learn new things.

Growing Up is Fun to Do

2010-06-23T09:41:00.005-05:00

I think I am one of the few moms that doesn't miss my children being babies. Don't get me wrong, I loved when they were babies. I loved nursing them, reading together, sleeping together, and playing together. Really, I loved everything about them as babies, toddlers, and children. I feel like Steve and I embraced each age to the fullest and rather than missing something we had, we enjoy who they are now. Plus, in reality, they are still the same basic somebodies they were then. When we look at video of them as toddlers, we still see the same person inside. Sometimes now, as I did when they were little, I find myself watching them in amazement wondering how the two of us produced something so absolutely perfect!

I love that their bodies are both changing in dramatic ways. I like having conversations with them and hearing their thoughts on topics. I love that they are making close friends while still needing lots of hugs during the day from me. I love that they have minds of their own and are following paths that suit them as individuals.

The other day Alexander was a little frustrated with me and snapped at me which he has never done. At first it hurt my feelings but then as I thought about it, I realized that he has a mind totally of his own now and sometimes we aren't going to agree on things. That's okay. He did later apologize (twice) which I told him wasn't necessary but appreciated. We were able to talk about it together. I like that too. I like that they are growing up and feel lucky to be a part of the experience.

Pet Sitting

2010-06-16T08:12:00.003-05:00

Both Sophia and Alexander do a lot of pet sitting. From ages 7-11 Sophia went over to a neighbor's house five days a week and let out their dog Bella. For the last two years, Alexander has had a five day a week job also with Wrigley. They both have always done a great job with these two jobs as well as occasional dog and cat jobs for others in the neighborhood.

A few weeks back another neighbor asked the kids to do a nine day job of cat sitting, watering plants, bringing in the mail and mowing the lawn. They agreed. A few days later she brought over a detailed list of how she wanted things done. We love this! When it comes to living things, we don't want to make any mistakes and we want life to be as normal for the pet as possible. The problem started when she then asked them to come over and go over the list with her. She reminded them over and over to wear the corded key chain on their wrists so they wouldn't leave it in the house (even though they needed it to lock the door from the outside) and even went as far as to show them how to put it on their wrists.

The first day of work both kids came home really upset. Apparently she has written the responsibilities out again in detail in case they lost their first copy and she put post it notes on EVERYTHING. Plus, she had post it notes reminding them to wear the corded key chain. They felt really insulted. They felt like they have done a lot of pet sitting jobs that have earned them a good reputation in the neighborhood (which this neighbor is aware of) and besides that, they were smart enough to not need post-its on top of two detailed lists. The feeling Alexander had made him decide right then that he wouldn't do another job for her. He felt that he does a really good job because it feels good to do a good job but with this neighbor he was doing a good job because he felt she was looking for something to go wrong.

Well, guess what? When she returned home she asked how many days they watered and they truthfully answered that they only watered two days due to all the rain. Then she started questioning him about whether or not he mowed. "What day did you mow? Wow, it must have rained a lot because the grass was really high." Alexander answered her very matter of factly but felt quite insulted because he had followed her two lists exactly.

I have tried to remind my kids not to take it personally, but they both feel very confident and responsible and to have someone act as if they aren't is not a feeling they want to have. I was proud of both of them for the job they did and also for realizing early that we do have choices in the people we work for. Both my husband and I want our children to grow up using their abilities to their fullest and they are learning already that having supportive bosses can help bring out that quality. They have sadly learned that having a boss that doesn't appreciate their knowledge and work is one that doesn't bring out the feelings of wanting to work hard for the sole purpose of it feeling good. Anyhow, it was a good lesson and gives us a good story to laugh about.

Sibling Relationships

2010-06-06T08:52:00.004-05:00

I love that Alexander and Sophia are two years apart from each other. I love that they have been friends since birth. I hold beautiful memories of the two of them tandem nursing and holding hands. I knew then that they would be lifetime friends. Now, at 12 and 14 years old, they no longer hold hands but instead they come home from walking the dog together laughing, they stay up late and hang out in each other's bedrooms, they problem solve life issues together, they share friends, they acknowledge the other's strengths and most important to me, they genuinely care for each other.

Sometimes I wonder how this relationship would have been different if I hadn't tandem nursed them, if we hadn't shared a family bed, and if we hadn't decided to follow an interest led education. Luckily for all of us, we don't have to know. All we have to do is enjoy what has transpired from a life of attachment parenting.

Our Children's Adult Lives

2010-05-30T09:57:00.003-05:00

I often wonder how my children's adult lives will be different because they have had the freedom to not only learn in a way that works for them as individuals, but they have also had plenty of free time to discover who they are and what they want from life.

Recently Sophia described how she wants to live her early adult life. She wants to live in a bicycle friendly city (she loves Madison, WI) where she can ride her bike to work and most other places she goes. She also wants a VW bug to drive when needed. She wants to live in an apartment. She wants to travel and maybe even live in another country.

Her visions excite me. She is not narrowing in on one profession as I think we are trained to do at an early age, but instead is creating a vision of the type of lifestyle she wants to live. In my opinion, this is far more important. She is figuring out who she is and how she wants to live a happy, fulfilled life. The profession will come and will be built around the lifestyle she wants.

Unschooling and Technology

2010-05-10T10:03:00.003-05:00

There are often discussions about how much/how often children should use technology in the unschooling community. Here are a few thoughts I had this morning:

~Why does technology seem to get a bad rap from homeschooling moms?

~In my view of unschooling we aren’t just allowing our children to learn academically in freedom but to also pursue those things in life that bring them joy and comfort. For some kids that may mean spending more of their free time watching TV or playing video games then we personally would decide to do ourselves. Sophia who doesn’t watch much TV went through a Mary Tyler Moore phase where we watched all the shows, we found information online, etc. It was fun. Was it something a person would consider “educational”? No. But, I would bet she learned a lot because it was something that she pursued on her own.

~Many of the “educational” things my kids did when they were younger have absolutely no meaning to them today. When I remind them of some of the many “educational” things we did, they honestly can’t remember them. (Why do we still follow the guidelines of others as to what is educational?) But, both of them remember like yesterday sitting on dad’s lap and playing Spider Man for hours and hours. I also remember all the vocabulary that came from playing those games that were then used in other play and creations. Kids take something from everything. They are amazing in how they do that.

~If we don’t value what our kids want to do in their free time, how will they value their own instincts? We say you are free to learn in the way that is best for you but don’t spend too much time on the computer because that is a waste of time. I don’t know. It is confusing to me. Once when Alexander was three I tried to control his TV watching and he told me something like, “Mom, this is how I like learning.” It is true, even today. He is a very audio type learner and with age his TV watching has become more advanced. The History Channel is one of his favorites and it too sparks many things that we later research or check out books from the library to read about but we even found lots of value in cartoons like Jackie Chan and Pokemon.

~Resa Brown, who now has adult children writes in her book, The Call To Brilliance, that if we look at what our children were interested in as toddlers, we will find the same interests in them as adults. When I read a book to Sophia, we had to read the same book over and over until she had it memorized. Then she wanted the two of us and sometimes Alexander to act it out. I wasn’t allowed to mess up the lines. I have to smile now that she is finding so much joy in theatre. Alexander started watching TV shows very early. I still remember snuggling up watching Little Bear together. He finds technology not just as a means for finding information but interesting in general. He is who is, just as Sophia is who she is. It makes me sad to even think of trying to distract Alexander away from technology now because he has gained so much from it.

I am not saying it is wrong to limit kids on technology, I just say that is true for everything. If Alexander spends 10 hours a day with Lego’s, I might say, “Hey, I miss you, are you coming down soon?” Or, I might think, “There is really something he wants to accomplish with Lego’s right now in his life.” I guess my husband has always been good at reminding me of this. When Alexander buys a new video game he spends hours on it. The goal is to reach a certain level before he finishes for the day (as well as have lots of information to share when talking with his friends). Steve said it is the same as when he goes to work. He has a goal of what he wants to accomplish for the day and honestly, a lot of the work he ends up doing is not that beneficial to anyone in the long run except for himself. He accomplished the goals he wanted to achieve and he personally learned something new even if the job he just spent hours on is not used by the company. I think what we may think of as “silly” games have more meaning to our children, otherwise they wouldn’t be doing them. They are getting something out of them.

I guess it is all a balance. I just don’t see any of our kids becoming adults who do nothing but sit and watch TV/video games all day . Well, unless they decide to go that route in their careers which would be amazing. I think as unschooling parents we do an amazing job at giving our children lots of choices and showing them the wonders of the world. But, at the end of the day, they know what they need. They really do. I have always told my kids, “You know your body best.” I have encouraged them to listen to what is inside themselves and then make decisions. When I think of it that way, I have huge trust that they are making the choices that are best for them as individuals. It is when we take away that ability to listen to ourselves without judgement that I think we should worry.

Independence.....When Ready

2010-05-07T08:19:00.005-05:00

Tonight is opening night for A Little Princess. This is Sophia's first time in a theatrical performance and it has been a wonderful experience. I am so proud of her.

Thursday was the school day performances and many of our unschooling friends attended. One of the moms who has known our family for years mentioned how wonderful it is to see Sophia on stage and how far she has come. It is true. When we first met up with many of the families in our unschooling group, Sophia was five years old. She was generally attached to my leg and wanted me near her at all times either playing with her during group time or sitting near her as she played with friends. Many in the outside world of attachment parenting would have found this odd that she still needed me at five years old and that I listend to her requests. Many in the outside world had already sent their children to preschool and school while Sophia and I had spent little time apart from each other and when we did, it felt wrong.

I have always believed that children truly know what is best for themselves and will make decisions based on their needs. Our part as parents is to listen to that and respect that they know their bodies best. Slowly, in Sophia's own time, I found that she was moving away from me and playing without me by her side although she still wanted me to check in on her often at seven, eight, nine and ten years old. She started going to friend's home but still wanted either Alexander or me to be by her side. No problem.

At almost 12 years old, she is confident and an adventurer. She loves hanging out with friends. Her goal is to participate in Unschooling Adventures and take a trip alone with other unschoolers. She is acting in a play where she knew almost no other friends and is doing fine on her own. She asks others for help when needed but also shares with me when she needs me by her side.

She needed me by her side, attached to her, for many years. However, she also knew when it was time to move ahead on her own. She was never pressured. She always knew I was there for her. In fact, she still knows I am there for her and that I will follow her lead in how much of the physical me she needs. She always knew what she needed and by listening and respecting her individual time clock for independence, she has become a very independent person that I admire highly.

What Are We Doing?

2010-04-23T07:53:00.004-05:00

Alexander

In about a week and a half Alexander turns 14. As he gets older his questions about life become much more involved. I am impressed with his thinking abilities and find the hardest thing about being an unschooling mom is making sure I help him find the answers in a timely manner.

In the last year I have found that although he has lots of questions about life, he wants more guidance from me. He wants more academic type work but doesn't really know what to do with that want. I feel this is where I come in. I can give him suggestions for projects or things to work on that he isn't aware exist.

I found a timeline on the Cuban Missile Crisis which is something that interests him. He is going to read about each event and then come back and teach me about them since I have very little knowledge in this area. Then he will choose one of the events and we are going to do an in depth research project on it. He seems excited. He wants something meaty to get his hands into. I am excited too. I am going to get to learn some new things also.

What I like about this project is I feel life is constantly asking us to research and find answers. What I want to do is help Alexander find some resources that he wouldn't normally use and build on the ones that he uses a lot.

Two places we are going to visit online in the next few days is The Cold War Museum and The National Archives section of the Cold War.

In addition to this Alexander is working on finishing a wood carving of his hand and he made his own radio as he read WWII soldiers did. He was able to get it going for a few seconds. He and his dad think they know what is wrong and are going to work on it this weekend. He also enjoys working out of a math book which he requested, LOVES playing video games with his homeschooling friends through XBOX Live, is reading a lot at night for enjoyment and still likes reading books to me. Also, he is going to check out the free online science classes offered by MIT. Physically, he really wants to work his body hard and feels a little disappointed that some of his friends seem to be outgrowing a good game of tag.

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Sophia

Sophia is right where she wants to be right now. She is busy with friends a lot of the time. She takes walks by herself and swings at the park. She is learning early that quiet time alone is something precious. She is participating for the first time in a CYT production and has been loving every moment of it. She has returned to a gluten free diet but also has decided to eliminate all sugar (except fruit) from her diet because she feels better. Isn't that amazing that she understands her body so well? She carefully reads labels and thinks about everythings she puts into her mouth. She carries a big purse so she always has room for a book. She isn't writing books anymore but is constantly writing something. She is at writer at heart. She is not only an observer of life that adds to her writing but a participant. She is a joy to watch.

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When you are free to learn, you want to learn. I see this everyday with my kids. It is wonderful that there are so many choices out there for us to explore.

I Would Do It All Over Again

2010-04-16T09:05:00.003-05:00

The other day I was thinking, "If I had to do things over again with our kids, would I do anything different?" I was happy to say, "NO." I really like the way Steve and I have parented. We have always seemed to be on the same page with what we want for our kids. We have both always enjoyed having them around us. Both kids have grown up in a stress free environment free to choose what happens with their days, yet still held responsible to be a contributor to our family. I like the people they are. They motivate me to try new things and explore new ideas. That's what is cool about unschooling. It isn't a one sided thing. Everyone is giving and sharing so that we all learn together.

Good Reading

2010-04-12T09:05:00.002-05:00

Here's some good reading from Wendy Priesnitz of Life Learning Magazine about how our children naturally know how to learn.

I can't tell you how many times my children have amazed me with their knowledge. I often hear myself asking, "How do you know that?" or "How did you figure that out?" Both kids have been given the freedom to learn in a safe environment that respects learning styles and differences. To many this way of learning seems so unfamiliar, but once you have experienced it, it feels so right.

An Unschooling Day

2010-03-27T19:10:00.004-05:00

What does an unschooling day look like for us?
Taking the dog on a jog or walk.

Working out.

Shoveling snow.

Meeting with a new teen homeschooled group we started - 17 teens the first get together!

Helping mom in the kitchen.
Research while listening to ipod.
Time to work on audition for CYT play.

Facebook, chats, and emails.

Keyboard.

Volunteer time at the library.

Time for friends to visit.

And, so much more. Kids were getting a little freaked out with the photos. :)

2010-03-23T09:06:00.002-05:00

After many long walks reconnecting with nature last week, we ended our week inside attending an annual homeschooling conference in Illinois known as the INHOME Conference. Since the temperatures dropped from a sunny 65 on Friday to the low 30's with snow on Saturday, being inside sharing good times with friends was the perfect way to end this week.

The two days of conferences were devoted to classes and hanging out with friends.

Here Alexander learned how to make a flower out of duct tape.

I was able to get a quick photo of Alexander preparing for a NERF war with other teens.

Sophia and friends after face painting class.

The highlight of the conference for my family was the family dance. After a full day of participating in classes, it was great fun to watch our kids dance together in groups while the parents enjoyed good conversation and a few drinks.

Here the kids finished eating ice cream and were waiting for the teen dance to begin. It ended at midnight. This was my kids first year of attending the teen dance and they LOVED it!

Sophia and her friend Giselle decided to ditch a class on Saturday and go swimming instead. The indoor/outdoor pool was heated so they were swimming outside as the snow was coming down. Perfect!

Meeting up in between classes.

Steve and Alexander getting ready to attend a music workshop. Each child was to bring their instrument and music. The class was a huge success and afterwards the new band performed their song at the talent show. Here Alexander waits for his turn to perform.

Overall, a perfect two days!

2010-03-07T13:34:00.001-06:00

Believe nothing
no matter where you read it
or who has said it,
not even if I have said it,
unless it agrees with your own
reason and and your own common sense.
~Budda

My children have grown up as "unschoolers". Rather than wake early to rush off to school, they follow their individual time clocks of when to awaken each day. Rather than stopping a good book because "reading time" is over, they have the choice of reading, drawing, playing or problem solving all day. They have a relaxed life. They have time to figure out who they are now and what they want to become in the near future. They guide their education while I play the part of the facilitator helping them find what they need or where they want to go.

The older my kids get the more often I find myself patting myself on the back for following what felt right to me when Alexander was only five years old. I believed that children are naturally curious human beings and when we don't force them to learn they will pursue those curiosities. Both kids remind me daily that what I believed then is still what I believe today.

At the end of the summer Alexander shared with me that he wanted to improve his reading and writing skills as well as follow a math book. I listened and he now makes sure I stick to a daily schedule of "school work". Before this time all learning came from play, TV/video games, discussions, museums, friends, family, Internet, etc. Along with following a math book, which is kind of dry in my opinion, he is now in charge of keeping track of our grocery spending and making sure I stay within budget. He actually has great ideas on how to reduce our spending. He created his own chart and will be figuring out how much I am spending on my diet, how much we spend on non-food items and how much is spent on what we call "non-essential items". He is learning through real life experiences.

To improve his reading we chose reading materials that interest him - WWII. He is fascinated with Hitler's strategies in occupying different countries as well as WWII aircraft and weapons. While he likes more of the strategic parts of history, I enjoy the personal stories. What I have found with unschooling is that you have to balance the line of what your child is interested in learning and what you feel is important or interesting. Right now what is working for us is that we read the non-fiction books about WWII together and then I share tidbits from the books I have been reading about Holocaust survivors as they apply to our reading. He sees my sincere interest in learning about these people and learns about them through me while I find interest in the information he finds outside our reading about WWII weapons. We learn together and from each other. Never in my life did I think WWII weapons and aircraft would be so interesting.

As unschoolers our schedule is pretty relaxed. This means different things for different unschoolers. For us it still means we like to wake up and follow a planned schedule for the day. All three of us need to know what lies ahead for us each day rather than spontaneously living hour to hour. If we find that we need more time to complete something we are flexible, but overall we like to have control over our day.

Both Alexander and Sophia are good managers of their time. Their personalities vary a bit here where Sophia likes to live in the moment and Alexander is always thinking ahead. Each day we discuss jobs we have such as walking the dog, dog sitting, homeschool group, grocery shopping, friends, "school work", etc. Once each of us knows what we want to accomplish for the day, we complete them in a fashion that works for us. Alexander likes to get all his "jobs" over early so he can relax and not having anything to worry about. Sophia on the other hand likes to relax first and do jobs at the end of the day. It is almost like she gets a rush out of waiting until the last minute. Either way, they both always complete their jobs.

Here is a typical Tuesday morning for them when I am out of the house:
Wake up
Make/eat breakfast
Walk Izzy
Complete dog sitting jobs in the neighborhood
Make lunches for all three of us to take to homeschool group
Be ready to go at 11:30 when a friend picks them up.

I have always believed that family responsibilities are important. I think we all like to feel loved, but we also like to know we are needed. When I go to the grocery store without my kids, clerks inquire why they are missing. They have just always been a part of this living experience. Last month when I picked up our monthly order of meat both kids had an outing at a friend's house, but both checked to make sure I would be alright alone. Sophia ended up going with me even though I told her I would be fine. She cares for me and she knows as a family member she is needed.

Here the kids shovel the driveway for me before walking Izzy on a 2 mile walk!

As we move along on our unschooling journey, we find many wonderful things. We find that sometimes we are bored. I believe boredom is a good thing. Sometimes our minds need time to relax without a lot going on to figure out the next project we want to learn about. I do the same thing. I read and read and read about health until I can't take another piece of information. I then read fictional books that have absolutley nothing to do with health or watch hours upon hours of TV and then my mind is back to being curious about the next important thing. As adults we accept this about ourselves, but panic when our children go through similiar periods of boredom.

My children set the guidelines for what, when and how they learn. Many times I have looked at their "schooled" peers and realized that in many areas they don't know the same information, but then I only have to look at what they know that their peers don't and I have no worries. We each have our own interests and our own curiosities. Having the freedom to pursue those that are important to us is so fun and rewarding. I have to laugh because at 11 years old Sophia constantly has books reserved at the library for her. Many of the books she has learned about from online friends and many others from researching a subject. She loves writing. She spends a lot of time online and has become the family expert on the "ins" and "outs" of Facebook. She likes to manipulate the photos she takes and is quite creative. She has found the areas that interest her which consequently tend to blend with subjects she never thought she would be interested in.

Unschooling is a way of life for us. We don't think of education in terms of an 8-4 school day, but rather as part of living life. We are always learning. We are always moving forward. When we allow children that freedom, amazing things happen. I am so proud of the unschooling journey we have made together as a family.

Enthusiasm for Writing

2010-01-15T07:39:00.002-06:00

Last night I pulled out a writing book I had from my days as a elementary public school teacher. It wasn't the exact book I was looking for but I couldn't find the one I really wanted. However, this book turned out to be full of the information I was looking for. Alexander and I have decided to start working on different writing styles and I felt like I needed a little help getting started.

As I was glancing through the book, Sophia was snuggled up next to me glancing at the book too. She had been invited to join us in exploring the writing styles but chose not to. However, as I was looking through the book she had lots of questions. What are the different styles? She was familiar with informal writing and narrative writing but had lots of questions about the writing process. After explaining it to her she realized she had completed each step while writing a book a few years back, we just didn't put names to the steps. She was interested in prewriting and the strategies used. Steve (who was also laying down with us) told her he has a software program that creates webbing for you and he could install it to her laptop. She was excited about the idea of doing a research paper. All the sudden she had a whole new world of writing available to her and decided to join in on this writing study. I am glad. I have a feeling she will probably be in and out for what she feels she needs. She isn't one for wasting her time on projects that have little meaning to her. But, even in those 20 minutes or so of sharing a book together, she was opened up to new ideas that will lead her to explore in her writing - something she really enjoys doing.

Unschooling is Turning Out Perfectly!

2010-01-14T20:37:00.000-06:00

Unschooling is turning out EXACTLY as I hoped it would when I first read about it over eight years ago and we incorporated it into our family life. Over the years both Alexander and Sophia have been given the freedom to play as often as they desired. It is unbelievable how much can be learned from building with Lego's, creating homes for Playmobil, or even playing video games! I am a big believer in the power of play and feel sad that it is taken from so many children at an early age. We have spent countless hours snuggled together reading book after book. We have explored museums and other interesting places. We have done fun science experiments together generally lead by the kids. We have found learning in cooking together, in exploring together and even on the days we were just being plain lazy.

Both Sophia and Alexander have had their own timetables and styles for learning reading, writing and math. Sophia learned to read almost completely on her own while Alexander needed more phonics instruction. Math has been something that has come from living life. We tend to include them in talks about grocery spending, our mortgage payment, pay from work, credit cards, cooking, music, and more. There is so much math that just comes from living. The secret is really including your children in your daily life and being a part of their daily life. This is the part that is missed by many who believe unschooling parents to be lazy or irresponsible. I have noticed that even some that have tried unschooling and never "got it" just didn't understand this crucial part. You have to really be a part of each other's life.

Unschooling and the freedom it allows has benefited our family. I feel proud of both my children. They have their individual learning styles. They are both always asking questions, always open to exploring new ideas and just naturally curious people.

What I have always loved about unschooling is that our children are given the same privileges to learn as we as adults give ourselves. As adults we dive into things that interest us, but let them go when we feel they have satisfied our needs. We take breaks and do absolutely nothing until our curiosity comes back and we are out reading and researching something new again. This is how unschooling works for us.

Recently we have seen changes in Alexander and what he needs to learn. Alexander has always had a very inquisitive mind. Even while playing video games he has had questions that have set us off researching additional information about the time period, the weapons, and the clothing. Recently he has decided that he wants to incorporate more academics into our schedule. After sharing that he wanted to learn algebra, a class was formed with other boys his age and is run by a homeschooling dad with a lot of math/teaching experience. He loves this class! At home he makes sure we work on reading and writing everyday. I mean EVERYDAY. Weekends don't mean days off to him. Just like adults, once we have something we want to learn, we don't think of our learning time in "school" time. We spend as much of our time with it as we feel we need to.

Since the first day of learning about unschooling it has felt right for me. I have never doubted it because I see my children constantly moving forward in their learning and thinking. As we move into the teen years, we will need to adjust how we unschool to meet the needs of both kids whether that means more social outings, participating in more classes and doing more sit down school work at home. It might even mean that at some point they want to try out public school or an alternative school. Unschooling allows for these changes because you are meeting the needs of the individual child rather than the parent or a school district. So far our journey has been amazing and I look forward to the changes that will be coming our way as both kids get a feel for what they need academically.

Budgeting and Water Park

2009-12-22T13:27:00.004-06:00

Over the weekend we went to the Wisconsin Dells for a day and night full of water slides and fun. The best part is this trip was paid for by money Alexander and Sophia saved during our weekly shopping trips. Last April we began giving the kids $20 a piece to buy all food eaten between meals for the entire family. Any money left over from that total of $40 was placed into a jar and used for outings with friends or saved for this trip. They ended up saving enough for one night at the hotel which included full pass to three water parks, a meal and a little money for a souvenir. Plus they enjoyed helping me book the room. It was a fun time.

Advantages of Homeschooling #4 - Date Nights

2009-11-24T16:34:00.004-06:00

With my children only being two years apart in age, they tend to share many of the same friends. If they were in school, I believe this age difference would be great when it came to friendships, but with homeschooling friends is works perfectly. It also works out great for my husband and I who often get surprise date nights when both kids are invited to a birthday party or sleepover. We enjoy our kids being with us, but honestly, a little unplanned alone time with my husband is always a nice treat too.

Learning Is Contagious When We Honor Our Unique Learning Styles

2009-10-23T09:59:00.004-05:00

Last night a collegue asked if my children's learning styles differ. I laughed because they are as different as night and day in the way they learn. Alexander is a visual and auditory learner while Sophia learns by touching and doing. Alexander tends to be a perfectionist while Sophia lives in the moment and likes taking risks. Sophia loves the language arts and taught herself to read. She can often be found buried in a book or writing. Reading hasn't come as easily for Alexander and he requires rules for spelling that Sophia never needed. Alexander loves history, science and problem solving. Sophia likes creating and imagining rather than always knowing the reasoning behind something. Just as they are unique human beings, their learning styles differ and what they require from me differs. I like the part I play in their learning and I like that the two of them seem to appreciate the other's unique style.

Although they each have their own unique way of learning, unschooling and family involvement often bring their love of learning together. Alexander loves history and last year we visited The Holocaust Museum in DC. Alexander and Steve went straight to the maps that gave information about the strategies used by Hitler in occupying most of Europe. Sophia and I had no interest in any of that and headed to the stories of a more personal nature - what happened to the families that were separated, how were Jews portrayed in textbooks, and more. Alexander had the interest in history and because as a family we do everything together, they both learned new information, only they learned it in a manner that fit their own unique personalities.

Last year when Sophia was in her "hippie" phase, we played songs from the 60's and early 70's, we looked at how people dressed, we learned about protests, etc. Of course this also brought up a lot of political events of this time period which Alexander loved. There have been multiple things just like this where one member of the family has an interest that soon becomes of interest of everyone only viewed in its unique way.

Right now, Alexander has decided he wants to learn math and he wants to learn it well. This is requiring that he go back and memorize his basic facts. He has always known how to get the answer, but has never memorized the facts. It is so fun. He writes out his facts and then tries to find patterns within the answers. We sat down the other day to do two digit multiplication and I showed him how I get the answer. He said, "Couldn't you just do it like this?" Then he went on to show me what he was thinking. It made so much sense. What is different from the way I learned two digit multiplication is that I learned the process to getting the answer without understanding what I was doing. Alexander understands what is going on enough that he can rationalize a way to answer the problem that makes sense to him. He is using his own unique way of learning. I love it! Also, last night Sophia who has absolutely no interest whatsoever with numbers, except when it comes to money, had the multiplication cards out and has decided that she is going to learn her facts also. How cool is that? Learning is contagious! Children do want to learn and when we honor their unique learning styles, it happens when it is time to happen.

Testing

2009-10-14T10:54:00.003-05:00

I teach English to limited English proficient adults. What I have always liked about our program is that the students are allowed to take each level up to three times if needed. Of course most students want to complete the program in a timely manner but others have appreciated that if they don't understand the material in their current level they can repeat the level if their class performance is below 75%. It has always reminded me a little of unschooling in that the students could move forward at their own pace.

All of that changed this semester. For the first time ever our students are not guaranteed to go from level to level until they complete the program and graduate. If they test outside of the level they are currently in, they can be moved up one, two or more levels and the same can happen in the reverse. They can be placed in a level lower than where they are currently placed . Many of my students were very upset with this. This quad I had five students that moved from level six to level 10. Although they were happy that they did well, they had concerns that since writing is not included on the standardized test that they would be lacking the practice and instruction given in the levels they are missing. Writing is a concern that most of my students have even as they graduate from the program. They need writing skills for work and as parents more than the ability to complete multiple choice questions. One of my students said, "In high school I just wanted to hurry and graduate. Now, I am here to learn, not to hurry through a program." Another one of my students will be going from level six to level four. The tears formed as she learned she would be going backwards. She has one of the highest scores in my class. However, she is slow in completing her work and was only able to complete half the answers in the time allowed for the test. All incomplete answers were considered wrong. She said, "In Cameroon, I only went to school in first and second grade. But I came here and worked hard to learn English. I can't work faster because then I can't think." It broke my heart to talk with her and share that she was moving to a level where she knows the information but unfortunately doesn't move at a pace determined by someone else as acceptable.

The ESL program I teach for is grant funded and free to the students. They know they are fortunate to be able to participate in this program. However, these are students that work one or two other jobs, have families, and support extended family living in other countries. They want to learn English and they want to learn it well. When I taught fifth grade years ago I saw how testing was taking over educating our children and I am sad that it has finally arrived in the adult education world also.

Science Take Out....Just Add Students

2009-09-11T09:13:00.003-05:00

A few months back Alexander and I purchased a couple of science kits from Science Take Out. They offer hands-on science kits at a reasonable cost that can be used by an individual child or in small groups. Yesterday we tried out the first one titled Kidney Donor. For less than $10 we received a kit with all the supplies needed to complete the experiment. No outside work needed by the facilitator. It took us about two hours to run through the experiment that is intended for middle school through junior college students. It was so fun!

We started out reading about the purpose of the kidney online and then got started. The kit first gives you THE CASE. Our case was a 20 year old woman that needed a kidney transplant. Three of her relatives were willing to donate one of their kidneys to her. Our task was to conduct laboratory tests and evaluate which relative (Donor X, Donor Y, or Donor Z) could safely donate a kidney to the woman.

In Test 1 we evaluated the patient's and the three donor's urine for ketones, blood, protein and glucose by dipping a test strip into a urine sample (sample not really urine but provided by kit). We then recorded the results, supported our conclusion of which relative should not be a donor and why it might be dangerous for this donor to provide a kidney.

In Test 2 we determined the blood type of the patient and donors and then determined which blood types would have reactions if mixed with patient's antibodies.

In Test 3 we evaluated the health of the donors based on weight, age and exercise and again determined which relative would not be a good donor. Then, based on all the information we had collected so far, we made a decision as to who would be the best donor. We (Alexander with me agreeing) decided that Donor Y was the best candidate because his/her age, weight, and exercise were all good, his/her blood type was going to work well with the patent's blood type, and his/her urinalysis was normal.

Today we need to finish up with Test 4 which is on Tissue Typing.

I would highly recommend these kits for other teens. They were fun and they lead to a lot of side discussion. Luckily we had the laptop close by to answer any additional questions but overall, everything you need to know is in the packet. We will definitely be ordering more.

Coconuts

2009-09-09T06:24:00.004-05:00

Over the weekend Alexander and I experimented with young coconuts. I needed lots of coconut water to make coconut water kefir. We watched several YouTube videos to get an idea of what we were going to do and then went to work. Alexander did the cutting. We discovered it isn't quite as easy as the videos show, especially when you don't have a clever. Lucky me, my husband and son went out for a few errands and came home with a clever and we were able to not only drain the water from the coconut but also extract the meat to ferment. Alexander had a lot of fun and in his usual way he thought through how he wants to cut the coconuts next time.

The magic of unschooling, as I have mentioned here before, is including your children in your everyday life. By asking for Alexander's help we learned about coconuts together by shaking, cutting, draining and tasting. We shared in many conversations while working side by side, and best of all, he has taken an interest in everything I am doing with the Body Ecology Diet. He wants to know how fermented foods work and he wants to taste the foods I am preparing. It is fun to learn with your children, to incorporate them into the things that interest you.

*Sophia went to her gerbil proboard to ask if it is safe for gerbils to have the coconut shell for their home - it is. We felt good knowing we were able to use the coconut in its entirety.

Unschooling and Planning

2009-08-28T08:31:00.007-05:00

At the end of each summer the kids and I discuss whether or not our style of homeschooling is working for us. Each year we decide it is but narrow in on the interests the kids want to pursue in more depth. Our conversation a few weeks ago lead us to decide we need a schedule for our days to make sure we are accomplishing all that we want to do.

Alexander decided he wants to work more on his reading and writing and with his own money purchased a very nice leather journal at Barnes & Noble to write about his days. He decided on his own that the more he writes, the better writer he will become. If he doesn't know how to spell a word, he underlines the word and goes back to it later. Isn't that wonderful? He came up with this on his own. That is why I love unschooling. When children are ready, they ask for help and take the initiative to reach their goals. They want to be successful!

Other interests we will be pursuing this fall:
Alexander -
~Woodcarving: We bought tools for him and visited his teacher's home. His work is AMAZING.
Alexander loved seeing all the potential projects he can do.
~Science kits : We ordered a few science kits intended for junior/high school students. If we like them, we will order more.
~Painting Alexander's room: He is in charge of budgeting and doing all the planning for this project. I will just be the helper
~Reading together daily
~Writing activities
~Clubs with our homeschooling group
~Physical activities: Alexander is feeling like his body needs to work hard and is running, biking and playing sports with friends.
~Weekly babysitting job: He will be watching a three year old and six year old.
~Dog sitting: Five days a week.
~Algebra: He talked to a friend on XBOX today about algebra and now wants to learn it too! Pretty cool.

Sophia -
~Writing: This is her passion. She loves writing stories, blogs, emails, etc.
~Reading: She has about three books she is reading and keeps requesting new ones from the library.
~Dancing/acting: She is taking a class on Mondays.
~Clubs and classes with homeschooling group
~Dog sitting

They both also want more time with friends so besides our two homeschooling groups, we have chosen Fridays as our friend days. We will either schedule individual play dates or larger group get togethers.

I love how the kids feel motivated to help in their learning journey. Together we are finding the things that click for them as individuals and makes them proud of the work they do.

Sicko Documentary

2009-07-29T10:25:00.000-05:00

Last night Steve, Alexander and I watched the documentary Sicko by Michael Moore. Although I am not always sure how I feel about Michael Moore, the documentary had some interesting information and some things to think about. As homeschoolers that follow a philosophy known as unschooling (child led education) we are always happy when our children are inspired and want more information. Since Sicko focused a lot of the differences in health care between France and the United States, Alexander had some additional questions after the movie. (We paused the movie several times to discuss what we were hearing.)

Now that he knew some information about the health insurance in France, that college is free, and they have a great vacation plan, he wanted to know about the government in France. So, we looked it up, read together and went on to discuss the differences in the government of France compared to the United States building on some other issues we have been discussing lately. As soon as Alexander and I finished our discussion on the government similarities and differences, he ran downstairs to share his new knowledge with Steve. This then prompted them to do a comparison of the size of France compared to the United States. He then came to share his new knowledge (again) with me.

With an unschooling philosophy, we trust our children are naturally curious human beings and will want to know more. This is just one example of something that happens almost daily. A discussion we have, a TV show we watch, or a place we visit sparks new interests and natural learning. The difficult part for us is to make sure we act on that curiosity as it occurs so we can capture exactly what they want to know. It is fun too. I learn a lot in the process.

So, after flipping through channels and landing on the documentary Sicko, we were able to have an additional hour or so unplanned learning on government, health insurance, land size and much more.